


The End Is Just The Start

by Gaia_Gaia



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Byakuya has claustrophobia, Byakuya is half-French change my mind, Canon-Typical Violence, Dork Naegi Makoto, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future Foundation gave them therapy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Makoto is done with Byakuya's shit, Multi, Naegi Makoto has night terrors, Naegi Makoto is a Ray of Sunshine, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya-centric, Nightmares, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Naegi Makoto, POV Togami Byakuya, POV switches occasionally, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, THESE CHILDREN ARE TRAUMATIZED, Therapy, They're not really enemies though, Togami Byakuya Being An Asshole, Togami Byakuya is Bad at Feelings, Trauma, You can't convince me otherwise, give these kids a hug, one of them's just an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25825579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaia_Gaia/pseuds/Gaia_Gaia
Summary: Someone turns the lights off, shrouding the room in darkness. He hears everyone shuffling around for a few minutes before it quiets down. Byakuya takes his glasses off and places them next to his pillow, where nobody would be able to roll over and crush them. Suddenly someone bumps into him."Ah, sorry Togami." Naegi whispers.Byakuya doesn't bother replying. He simply turns his back to Naegi instead. The next thing he knows Naegi has moved around during his sleep and now has his back pressed up against Byakuya's.Byakuya would never admit it to anyone, but he found that he didn't mind as much as he thought he should have. He takes that thought and buries it deep within his mind. If he presses back against Naegi, well nobody would know, would they? Byakuya let's out a deep breath and finally falls asleep.---So originally this was supposed to be a DR3 AU with Naegami already established in the prologue but I got carried away lmao. This fic explores the events that happened after THH and follows it all the way to DR3. I just wanted to see Byakuya in the Future Foundation's killing game but I only found one fic, so...yeah! If you can't find it, then make it amiright (slow to update!)
Relationships: Asahina Aoi & Fukawa Touko & Hagakure Yasuhiro & Kirigiri Kyouko & Naegi Makoto & Togami Byakuya, Asahina Aoi & Naegi Makoto, Kirigiri Kyoko & Naegi Makoto, Kirigiri Kyoko & Naegi Makoto & Togami Byakuya, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Naegi Makoto & Togami Byakuya, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 49
Kudos: 195





	1. Prologue: Ease My Aching Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning for multiple panic attacks. They're not overly graphic, I think??? But if they are, please comment and tell me so I can outline where they are so it can be skipped! Oh, and also brief dissociation as well.

Blinding white is the first thing he sees. A light so bright it sears into his eyes and makes his head throb. It washes over him, and it feels like a thousand needles pricking into his face, his eyes, his brain. And then...and then he sees red?  
  
He tries to blink back the pain. God he can already feel a headache approaching. When he sees that the sky is indeed red, he just stares. For the first time in his life, Byakuya Togami is truly and utterly dumbfounded.  
  
Of course.  
  
Of course. He should've seen this coming, in fact, he had no real reason to truly disregard what Enoshima had said. Truly, he should've known better. And yet he'd let Naegi's words give him that little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, Enoshima had been lying about everything.  
  
He supposed he didn't _actually_ blame Naegi for bringing his hopes up. After all, doing so would be petty and idiotic. Byakuya didn't let such emotions control him. This was no different. Besides, it was _because_ of Naegi that any of them were standing here, alive, at the threshold of the Tragedy.  
  
The outside is in utter ruins.  
  
The courtyard to Hope's Peak Academy is practically decimated. There are trees uprooted right to left, all bare—nothing more than empty husks. The pathways leading to the gardens are cracked and broken, with the occasional chunk of concrete lying around, its metal pipes exposed. It looked like Hell, scratch that, it _was_ Hell.

  
Byakuya suddenly feels light headed. It's only when he hears Fukawa take in a sharp gasp that he realizes he hadn't been breathing. He guessed he'd been too distracted by the chaos surrounding him to notice. He takes in a quick breath and—  
  
That's the last thing he registers in his brain before he's coughing violently. Distantly, he can hear the others coughing as well, but they're quickly drowned out by the sound of his blood roaring in his ears. If the light had been a searing pain to his eyes, then the air was burning his lungs and chest all at once.  
  
Breathing hurt. The air is hot, stinging his nose, his throat, hell it even stings his eyes. And the smell, oh God. The stench is so powerful, he could've sworn he could taste it. It reminds Byakuya of the chemistry lab, except about a hundred times worse. It is an acidic and putrid smell, making him gag.  
  
"Togami, are you okay?"  
  
Byakuya looks over at Naegi, just barely hiding his surprise at being addressed by him of all people. Byakuya notes the way Naegi's washed-out hazel eyes were widened with concern, his eyebrows drawn together, and a small frown on his lips. Why was Naegi asking him if he was okay? Byakuya didn't  
need any of them to worry about him, especially Naegi of all people, Byakuya was perfectly fine.  
  
Byakuya rolls his eyes.  
  
"Are you joking? Can you not smell the positively atrocious scent in the air?"  
  
"Ah, you're right. I guess Enoshima wasn't messing around when she talked about the air purifier, huh?" Naegi gives a weak chuckle before dissolving into another coughing fit. Byakuya's hand twitches, as if wanting to...what? He finds himself scowling as Asahina reaches over to pat Naegi on the back.  
  
Byakuya turns to look at the sky. It is no longer the cool and gentle blue that it once was; instead it was replaced by a dull and ominous red. Dark clouds lazily drift across the sky, taking up large portions of the sky, seemingly devouring it. It's the color of the sky, though, that really catches Byakuya's attention. The color deeply unsettles him, for some strange reason. _Why though...?_  
  
Before he can finish the thought, Fukawa let's out a cry.  
  
"L-look over th-there! There's a he-helicopter coming t-towards us!"  
"Ah! Fukawa's right, look!"  
  
Asahina points to the sky, and everyone but Byakuya and Kirigiri let's out a gasp.  
  
"OH GOD, HAVE ENOSHIMA'S MINIONS COME TO FINISH US OFF?!" Hagakure yelps.  
  
Byakuya scoffs. "Don't be daft, you idiot! It's probably reinforcements, or did you forget that the killing game was being broadcast?"  
  
"Togami..." Naegi gives him a disapproving look. It makes Byakuya's chest twist in annoyance. He looks away haughtily, eyes landing to the black dots in the distance, watching as they got bigger and bigger.  
  
"I suppose Togami's right, they're probably here to help us," Kirigiri says, an unreadable expression painted on her face.  
  
They are quiet for a bit, and Byakuya is thankful for the blissful silence blanketing them. Well, it wasn't completely silent, what with the helicopter coming closer and closer. The thundering sound makes his headache flare up.  
  
He wonders if Naegi is having the same problem. Before he can glance at Naegi, Asahina speaks up, breaking the fragile silence.  
  
"So...it's really over huh? We...we survived... we're _alive_." Asahina's voice wavers before breaking on the last word.  
  
_Alive._ It's that declaration, that simple little word being spoken, coupled with the helicopter finally touching ground that seems to make the rest of the group shatter. Byakuya can hear Asahina start crying, but all her cries fade away, growing more and more muffled.  
  
_Alive._ But at what cost? Byakuya is alive, yes, but...the Togami family wasn't. He had nothing left. There wasn't anything for him left. That's what Enoshima had said. Which meant that... _she_ was definitely dead.  
  
Byakuya is snapped out of his thoughts by a man in a black suit approaching their group. He says something, but Byakuya barely hears it. The man guides everyone to the helicopter, and Byakuya's body moves on it's own. His steps are almost mechanical as he climbs into the helicopter.  
  
Everything after that is a blur. One of the people in the suits, a woman, says something about being there to rescue them. She says some other things, the words "future foundation" and "headquarters" making an appearance, but her words fall on deaf ears. It isn't until Byakuya is sat in the back of the helicopter that his senses and focus come rushing back...?  
  
Or, it feels like they are back. Are they? Everything feels muddled, like there is cotton in his ears making the helicopter's motor sound muted. There is a dull ringing in the back of his head, and as he lifts his head up, everything is out of focus and moving sluggishly.  
  
Why does it feel like he'd been drugged?  
  
Byakuya blinks a couple of times, his vision sharpening with each blink, and slowly but surely the dull ringing turns into the loud, thundering whir of the motor. It makes his head pound, and he suppresses a wince.  
  
His hands are in his lap, and every minute or so they would twitch. He clasps them together to stop the twitching, but even then he can still feel his hands seizing up.  
  
Looking up, Byakuya realizes that directly seated in front of him is Kirigiri, with Asahina flanking her right.  
  
Asahina is still crying, a steady stream of tears staining her face. Her eyes are bloodshot, a distraught look on her face. Her hands are clasped together so hard her knuckles were white. She is completely silent though, lips pursed tight, much to Byakuya's mild surprise. He expected her to be overly emotional, but she must've been affected by everything much more harshly than he'd assumed.  
  
He shakes the thoughts out of his head and turns his gaze to Kirigiri. She is sitting rigidly, so much so that she looked like a statue. Her arms are crossed over her chest, hands gripping her arms tightly. She is staring intently at the pilot, never even glancing over at Byakuya or anybody else for that matter. Her eyes track the pilot's every move, but even then, there were no visible emotions that he could detect behind them.  
  
He turns to his right and sees Hagakure and Fukawa sitting on the other side of the helicopter. They are together, with one of their rescuers, the woman, sitting across from them.  
  
Hagakure is very clearly brimming with anxiety, a fearful energy permeating off him. His leg is bouncing up and down, creating a constant and rhythmic thump-thump-thump. He has his hands on his knees, drumming them to an inaudible beat. His eyes are darting in every direction, and more than once he stares at the woman before quickly looking away in fear. Suddenly, Hagakure catches his gaze, so Byakuya quickly tears his eyes away and turns to look at Fukawa instead.  
  
He had expected Fukawa to be like Hiro, all wired up and nervous energy. Instead, she is staring blankly at the empty seat in front of her. She sways along with the helicopter, the only thing keeping her upright being Hagakure, who occasionally shoots out a hand to stop her from sliding off her seat. What unnerves Byakuya the most is Fukawa's eyes though—they are completely and utterly vacant, like there was nothing there.  
  
A sudden movement out of the corner of Byakuya's eye catches his attention, making him turn to his left. Sitting next to him, shaking like a leaf, is Naegi.  
  
His hands are shoved into his hoodie's pockets, but Byakuya can see the way that they trembled through the fabric. Naegi looks pale, extremely so, to the point where even Byakuya felt a tinge of worry. Worry? No, it must be more like exasperation. Was he getting sick? The last thing they needed was one of them getting sick and then spreading it to everyone else.  
  
Naegi's teeth starts chattering but he clenches his jaw shut to stop it. He is still trembling and before Byakuya can even think about it, he reaches out a hand and places it on Naegi's shoulder. The trembling was starting to annoy Byakuya. He just wanted everything to stop moving for a couple of seconds so he could collect his thoughts.  
  
The next thing he knew, the small brunet had pressed himself close to his side. Byakuya tenses up immediately, letting out a strangled noise.  
  
When Naegi doesn't respond, Byakuya is just about ready to snap at Naegi to get _off of_ him, but the words die in his throat as he realizes that Naegi's shaking had lessened. Surprisingly, he still hadn't looked up at Byakuya or even Kirigiri for that matter. He seems to be staring off into space, but his brows are furrowed, his eyes too wide to be lost in thought.  
  
"Oh for..." Byakuya murmmurs. Taking his hand off of Naegi, Byakuya awkwardly stretches his arm around Naegi's shoulders instead. Just as he suspected, as soon as Byakuya put his arm around Naegi, he stopped trembling all together.  
  
Naegi's body is warm, and Byakuya is uncomfortably aware of that fact. Naegi leaning the tiniest bit closer makes Byakuya snap back into reality. He sharply lifts his head up to see if anyone had seen the interaction, but to his relief no one was paying attention to him.  
  
He turns back to look at Naegi again. He still looks pale, but there isn't much Byakuya can do about that. And so, that's how Byakuya got stuck with his arm around Naegi for the rest of the ride.  
  
Byakuya is hyper aware of Naegi's every movement. Every time he shifts, every time his arm brushes against his side, every time he leans closer, it makes Byakuya stop breathing for a second, makes his eyes widen in irritation. He grows more and more restless as the minutes tick by, desperate to move away from the small brunet. But he just couldn't bring himself to actually move away. Maybe he is just too tired to do it, or maybe his head is still fuzzy. Yeah, that had to be it.  
  
The pilot speaking up suddenly interrupts Byakuya's train of thought.  
  
"Munakata? We've arrived at headquarters. Yes, everything went fine."  
  
That got everybody's attention, including Fukawa, who seemed to have snapped out of whatever trance she was in. The announcement even got Naegi to... _detach_ himself from Byakuya's side.  
  
When Naegi moves away, Byakuya feels a rush of cold. Strangely enough, he finds himself slightly missing the warmth. It must've been colder on the helicopter than he thought.  
  
Byakuya looks out the window. In the distance there is a huge tower rising up from the ocean, with an equally huge dock connecting it to the mainland. It has an astounding amount of lights, making the tower look futuristic.  
  
However, as the helicopter got closer, the building turns out to not be rising out of the ocean, but instead is situated on a platform of sorts, with this platform being the thing connected to the dock. The platform has multiple circular lights on its floor, and it is one of these lights that the helicopter starts approaching. _So they're landing pads?_  
  
None of the survivors utter a word, or even move to get up as the helicopter touches the ground. Not even Byakuya tries to get up. There is an anxious energy brimming under his skin, making Byakuya want to scratch at his arms.  
  
Instead of getting up, he unconsciously moves closer to Naegi. Byakuya watches the pilot, as well as the passenger and the woman sitting across Fukawa and Hagakure, exit the helicopter. Surprisingly, the first person to follow after them is Asahina, and as soon as she moves to leave, everyone else follows suit.  
  
Standing in front of Byakuya and the others are two men, one looking much older than the other. The older man has gray hair, and wears a pair of rectangular glasses. The younger man is much taller, wearing a white suit, his equally white hair slicked back.  
  
The survivors' trio of rescuers walk over to the men, the woman stopping by the tall one to whisper something in his ear before heading towards the building. The older man speaks up.  
  
"Welcome to the Future Foundation's headquarters. My name is Kazuo Tengan, and I am the Foundation's leader. This is Kyosuke Munakata, my vice-leader."  
  
The younger man, Munakata, speaks up. "The Future Foundation was founded by many of Hope's Peak Academy's alumni. Our goal is to combat the biggest, most awful, most tragic event in human history."  
  
"So...is that why the Future Foundation, rescued us?" Kirigiri asks.  
  
Tengan answers. "Yes, we began preparing to rescue you as soon as the broadcast began. We're... we're very sorry that we couldn't rescue you sooner." Tengan grimaces.  
  
Asahina speaks up, her voice faint but laced with bitterness. "Then you should have prepared faster. If you had enough resources for all of _this_ ," Asahina waves her arms around, pointing at the landing pads, helicopter, and the tower, "then you should've rescued us earlier!"  
  
She is once again crying, but even Byakuya finds himself agreeing with her for once, much to his displeasure. Although, he guesses based on the multitude of mounted guns within the school, it wouldn't be a far cry to say that there were automated guns outside the school as well.  
  
Kirigiri seems to come to this conclusion too, as she gently lays a hand on Asahina's shoulder.  
  
"Asahina, they probably weren't able to do that. There must have been automated guns mounted outside the door, right?" Kirigiri gives the Future Foundation leaders a cool stare, almost pushing them to explain themselves.  
  
Byakuya thinks the whole exchange is pointless. He just wants to sit down somewhere, have a cup of coffee, and some true peace and quiet. His mind still feels fuzzy, and it was irritating him greatly.  
  
Tengan gives a weary sigh and smiles grimly at Kirigiri. "Yes, you're correct. There were guns mounted all over the place. Some were even hidden. Anytime we would get too close to the front entrance or any of the windows, the guns would shoot at us. We had a couple of our agents wounded and killed before we stopped trying to brute force our way in."  
  
The fight seems to leave Asahina as her shoulders slump down, and she leans into Kirigiri's hand. Naegi steps up next to Asahina, putting a hand on her shoulder as well.  
  
Byakuya tries to speak then, to ask Tengan what exactly would happen now, but it feels like someone has squeezed his throat shut painfully, preventing him from speaking.  
  
None of the other students say anything after that, so Tengan turns around and begins to lead them into the headquarters, Munakata walking behind the survivors.  
  
Something brushes against Byakuya's arm and makes him tense up. Naegi is walking next to him. He keeps his gaze forward, even when his arm grazes Byakuya again. Is he not looking at Byakuya on purpose?  
  
The inside of the building is just as lit up and futuristic looking as the outside. Its hallways are long and winding. There are doors practically everywhere, and whenever one is open, Byakuya can see people working on computers or at desks. Everything is bathed in a calming light blue light, but it makes Byakuya's eyes itch more than anything. It reminds him of the weird colored halls at the school, and the last thing he wants to do is think about that wretched place.  
  
There is a surprising amount of plants and greenery decorating the place. Looking at the plants make Byakuya's stomach churn, however. God, why is everything reminding him of the stupid school? He shouldn't even be feeling like this. Byakuya didn't let himself be affected by _emotions_ and _feelings_. He tries to push down his anxieties, but if he does a poor job at it, he pointedly ignores it. Too bad he couldn't ignore the feeling of wanting to throw up.  
  
Eventually Tengan leads them to an elevator, and the feeling increases tenfold. Byakuya's hands feel numb, no, everything feels numb actually. Byakuya's anxiety coils tightly, ready to spring up at any moment, and that moment was quickly approaching as they all poured into the small space.  
  
Somehow, Naegi ends up right next to Byakuya for the second time in a row. Unfortunately for Byakuya, he ends up pressed up against the corner of the elevator.  
  
His hands begin twitching again, and Byakuya desperately clenches his fists to hide it. Why is it suddenly so hard to hide it? He was normally able to hide his anxiety so we'll back at the stupid school, so why....? His throat and chest feel painfully tight, like he's about to suffocate. It's warm on the elevator too, but for Byakuya it feels too hot, to the point where he swore his entire body is on fire. There is a steady buzzing in his ears and he has no idea if it was coming from the elevator or if he is imagining it.  
  
Byakuya flinches a little as Naegi moves closer to him, and when Byakuya turns his head to look at Naegi, he finds himself staring into his hazel eyes. Naegi is giving him a questioning look, worry clear as day on his face. Giving a light scoff, Byakuya crosses his arms but doesn't try to move away from Naegi. It's not like he can if he wanted to. Shame squeezes tightly around his chest. He shouldn't be feeling like this, like he was some _weakling._  
  
Eventually the elevator comes to a stop on the thirty-fifth floor. According to Munakata, floors twenty-one through thirty-five essentially functioned like dorms for some of the workers, since several of them had lost their homes during the beginning of The Tragedy. There were even multiple lounge areas per each floor. Munakata calling it similar to a dorm makes Byakuya's skin itch.  
  
Stepping off the elevator, Byakuya silently let's out a breath of relief. For some unknown reason though, Naegi stays close to him. Byakuya would've expected him to stick close to Kirigiri or even Asahina, so why is he still walking alongside Byakuya? It's getting annoying, honestly. He speeds up to walk closer to Tengan and Munakata, leaving Naegi behind him.  
  
The lighting on this floor is much warmer, it's yellow-orange lights softer on the eyes than the lighting on the first floor. It looks nice, Byakuya supposes. It still doesn't change the fact that he feels like throwing up.  
  
Tengan and Munakata lead them down a large and long hallway, with multiple corridors to the left and right. The group walk to the very end of the hallway and turn left.  
  
The corridor had three doors on the left side and one door at the far end. Munakata walks ahead to the far door while Tengan explains to them how the floor was structured. The doors in the corridors lead to lounge areas, and within those lounge areas are the rooms. For each lounge area there are six rooms with each room being equipped with a bathroom and a shower.  
  
Staying here is starting to look more and more unappealing to Byakuya.  
  
They enter the far door. Inside of the lounge area are two couches facing each other, with a coffee table in between them. A small loveseat is next to one of the couches, and there is a round table in the left corner of the room, with two chairs. The thing that catches most of the survivors' attention, though, is a huge window on the wall, its curtains drawn.  
  
Byakuya, on the other hand, is immediately drawn to a bookshelf that is practically overflowing with books. It's placed in the other corner of the room. Maybe those books would be different than the ones at the school's library? He could take one before falling asleep—a nice distraction from his surroundings. There is also a hallway next to the bookshelf, presumably leading to the six rooms.  
  
In all honestly, the thought of sleeping in the rooms still makes Byakuya feel slightly sick. It feels no different from the dorms at the school, and it was starting to grate on his nerves. Why is he feeling like this now, out of all times? The proper time to feel like this would've been back at the school, and even then feeling like this in the first place was pushing it in Byakuya's opinion. He's a _Togami_ for God's sake, he is always in control of his emotions! Except for now apparently.  
  
However uncomfortable Byakuya feels at the prospect of sleeping in the rooms though, it seems that everyone else shares the same sentiment. Everyone wore matching expressions of apprehension and dread when Tegan addressed them once again.  
  
"You may choose which rooms you want to reside in. Be aware, though, that one of our agents will come tomorrow morning to give you all more information about how our headquarters functions."  
"Other than that, feel free to rest. After all, you've been through a lot. I'll see you all in the morning." Munakata and Tengan left after that.  
  
Byakuya stands in the corner, watching everyone flounder around for a couple of seconds, all of them staring at each other waiting for someone to make the first move.  
  
Once again, Asahina breaks the silence first.  
  
"I'm gonna be totally honest with you guys. I don't really want to go to sleep in a dorm again. I mean, even if they didn't call it a dorm room, that's basically what it is, right?"  
"Y-yeah...I don't really fancy sleeping by myself in a small room again..." Hagakure rubs the back of his head.  
  
"E-everyone knows that y-you're just s-saying that because you w-want to sleep with th-the girls!" Fukawa points a finger at Hagakure accusingly. He yelps, choosing to hide behind Naegi; and just like that, the weird tension that had been building up since the helicopter ride dissipated.  
  
"Well, what if we all just sleep in here? I mean, it's not like they can do anything about it, right?" Naegi suggests.  
Kirigiri hums. "You have a point. If you all really want to sleep in here...?"  
  
She glances at Byakuya as she asks, the unspoken question hanging in the air.  
  
"I suppose the idea of... _sleeping_ in those rooms sounds unappealing."  
  
Naegi beams, making Byakuya roll his eyes. It wasn't that hard to please Naegi it seemed. "Okay, I'll go get the blankets and pillows from the rooms!"  
"I'll help you with that."  
  
As Naegi and Kirigiri walk into the corridor, Asahina turns to look at everyone else. "So...whose getting the—"  
  
"I call dibs on the couch!" Hagakure throws himself onto one of the couches, and Asahina mimicks him, throwing herself onto the other couch.  
  
Byakuya sneers. "What are you, toddlers?"  
  
Inwardly, however, he is cursing himself for not claiming one of the couches. He turns to the loveseat instead, but before Byakuya can even blink, Fukawa has latched herself to it. She gives him a look he could only describe as down right predatory, her face bright red and drool coming out of her mouth. It makes lip curl.  
  
"M-me and M-Master can share the l-lov—"  
  
"Absolutely not. I would rather lick the floor like a dog than sleep next to you." Byakuya glares at Fukawa in disgust.  
  
A light snicker catches his attention. Naegi had come back from the rooms, carrying an abundance of blankets, with Kirigiri carrying the pillows. Amusement sparkles in his eyes.  
  
"I think it would be better if nobody slept on the couches. This way it'll be fairer for everyone, you know?" Naegi gives everyone a light smile.  
  
"Oh great, now you want _all_ of us to wake up with back pain tomorrow. How kind of you."  
  
That remark wipes Naegi's smile off his face, and Byakuya feels the slightest pang of guilt. He quickly pushes it down, replacing it with thoughts of waking up with his back all cramped up.  
  
"I guess I can see the appeal of everyone sleeping on the floor. Oh! It'll be like a sleepover! I can't remember the last time I had one of those..." Asahina trails off sadly.  
  
"W-well...there's no time like the present, right guys?" Naegi scrambles to comfort Asahina, and it works apparently, as she shoots him a grateful smile.  
  
"Yeah! Let's push back the couches."  
  
As Hagakure and Asahina move to push the couches back, Naegi lays the blankets on the floor and pulls the coffee table to the back of the room, next to the bookshelf. Byakuya simply stands to the side, watching as everyone arranges the pillows and blankets. He refuses to help everyone, he isn't some sort of peasant.  
  
Byakuya is prepared to grab a blanket and a pillow and make his way to one of the couches, "fairer for everyone" be damned, but he just can't seem to make his feet move towards the couches. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to hear everyone complain, or maybe it's because he is simply too tired to care, but for whatever reason he picks a random pillow and blanket and all but slumps onto the floor.  
  
Someone turns the lights off, shrouding the room in darkness. He hears everyone shuffling around for a few minutes before it quiets down. Byakuya takes his glasses off and places them next to his pillow, where nobody would be able to roll over and crush them. Suddenly someone bumps into him.  
  
"Ah, sorry Togami." Naegi whispers.  
  
Byakuya doesn't bother replying. He simply turns his back to Naegi instead. For some strange reason, as tired as he is, he finds that he can't sleep. His limbs feel heavy and he can barely open his eyes, but his mind is racing about a mile a minute. Maybe everything that had happened was finally catching up to him?  
  
Whatever it was, he has no idea how much time has passed as he desperately tries to shut his mind off, but the next thing he knows Naegi has moved around during his sleep and now has his back pressed up against Byakuya's.  
  
Once again it feels like somebody has squeezed all the air out of Byakuya's lungs. The spot where their backs touch is uncomfortably hot, and it isn't long before Byakuya feels like tearing the blankets off and running away, but that thought makes him grit his teeth.  
  
Byakuya is stubborn, in fact, being stubborn is something that helped him climb to the top. However, there were some moments where his stubbornness would backfire horribly on him. Now is one of those times. No matter how hard he attempts to get irritated over the matter and simply move over, he doesn't.  
  
Byakuya would never admit it to anyone, but he found that he didn't mind as much as he thought he should have. He takes that thought and buries it deep within his mind. If he presses back against Naegi, well nobody would know, would they? Byakuya let's out a deep breath and finally falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I wrote Byakuya in character lmao. He's the person I least relate to, so writing him is very interesting. I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! Kudos and comments are always appreciated. Also, feel free to ask me questions about this fic and future fics on my tumblr! http://itzlali-gaia.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 1: Go Faster Alone Or Go Further Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Makoto: Togami plz come hangout with us
> 
> Also Makoto: Togami stfu  
> Trigger warning for nightmares and panic attacks

**_*CLANG CLANG CLANG*_**  
  
_He could hardly move. Fear paralyzed him, gluing him to his seat. Or was it the chains wrapped around his torso and lap that did it? The chains dug into his thighs, spreading a dull ache throughout his legs. Every tiny shift or movement seemed to tighten them, making him whimper._  
  
_He gripped his knees harshly, holding onto them so tightly his fingers felt numb. It was the only thing keeping him grounded, the only thing keeping him from screaming his throat raw. He could feel the panic coursing through his body, building up in his throat, coating it in a bitter bile. He swallowed and nearly choked. It burned._  
  
_Instead, he decided to try to regulate his breathing, anything to distract himself, but his breathing remained light and shallow. His chest **hurt** , like there was something pressing down on it. His shoulders quickly rose and fell with each panicked breath, head feeling light, the clanging of the block matching the pounding of his head._  
  
_Crude drawings flashed before his eyes, the images contrasting so painfully compared to his surroundings that he shut his eyes. That didn't stop the sound of chalk scratching against the blackboard from invading his ears, somehow sounding just as loud as the—_  
  
**_*CLANG CLANG CLANG*_**  
  
_As he moved closer and closer, he began to unconsciously hold his breath. There was a steady pressure building inside his head, making it feel like it was about to burst. His body went numb, face turning blue then purple._  
  
_He was waiting for it, silently ticking down the seconds, because he knew he was close to it, so very close. It would come crashing down any moment, any second now._  
  
_He thought back to his friends._  
  
_God he loved them so dearly but he couldn't, no, he **wouldn't** blame them, he refused; it wasn't any of their faults, yet there was the tiniest bit of him that felt hurt, betrayed, but he buried it deep deep deep inside of him and now he was waiting for the block to drop on top of him it was **a g o n i z i n g** , so much so that he opened his eyes and looked up and that was a mistake, such a huge mistake, because as soon as his eyes landed on the terrifying weight t released..._  
  
_He suddenly remembered a saying that people who've had life-threatening experiences always said—that time seemed to slow down as their life flashed before their eyes. He didn't know why he thought that his impending death would make the block fall in slow motion. The weight fell hard and fast and his last thought was not of his friends, but that he didn't want to—_  
  
"Naegi."  
  
"ah-AH!"  
  
Makoto sat up abruptly, his eyes snapping open and his arms flailing about.  
  
"I-I'm up, I'm up!"  
  
His heart was pounding harshly, and he gripped his chest in a panic. Blinking rapidly, he looked up to see who had called him. Kirigiri was standing over him, her lavender hair pulled back into a low ponytail, a single braid entwined within. She wore a concerned expression.  
  
"Everyone else is already awake. You're the last one up, it seems. Munakata should be arriving soon to collect us and take us to Tengan's office."  
  
She paused, before hesitantly asking, "Naegi, are you okay?"  
  
Makoto stared at her for a few seconds, his thoughts too muddled to respond. He could still feel his heart beating hard, to the point where it almost hurt, and he willed it to calm down. When Kirigiri's words finally registered in his brain, Makoto bit his lip.  
  
Should he tell Kirigiri about his nightmare? Probably not, he didn't want to worry anybody. Besides, it might just make Kirigiri feel guilty, and that's the last thing Makoto wanted to do.  
  
Nodding his head, he gave her an awkward smile and said, "I'm fine. Thanks for waking me up Kirigiri!"  
  
Kirigiri frowned at him. "Alright then. Everyone else is in their rooms. You should probably head to yours too." She gave him a pensive look. "You...you would tell me if something is bothering you, right? Because that's what friends are for."  
  
Guilt churned in Makoto's chest, and he averted his gaze from Kirigiri. He didn't want to keep secrets from her, not anymore, but he really, really, _really_ didn't want to burden her with his problems. It was only a dream, right?  
  
"I...I just had a weird dream is all. I'm fine, really!"  
  
Kirigiri's expression was calculating, but she eventually nodded and walked away. He let out a sigh of relief. It was then that he realized the giant window's curtains had been drawn, and there was sunlight streaming through. He stared at the blue sky, feeling both confused and elated. Wasn't the sky outside red yesterday? He made a mental note to ask someone about it later. With that, he gathered up his blanket and pillow in his arms.  
  
Getting up, Makoto felt a jolt of pain run down his spine. His back ached, as did his shoulders. It seems that sleeping on the floor was bad idea after all. That thought made Makoto think of a certain blond heir. He felt...conflicted, to put it lightly. But he also felt oddly happy?  
  
Togami had always been cold and aloof ever since Makoto had first met him. He'd warmed up to Togami since then, and Togami had seemed to gone from hating all of them to (barely) tolerating them. Nonetheless, it was certainly an improvement in Makoto's eyes, but yesterday proved something else entirely.  
  
Togami had, in all intents and purposes, comforted Makoto. There was no other way to phrase it, and while it made Makoto ridiculously happy that Togami had shown that sort of concern over him, it left Makoto feeling puzzled. Togami? Comforting others? In a _nice_ way? It wasn't in character at all, which brought into question what exactly had been going on in Togami's head.  
  
Then there was the fact that Togami had seemed to be... panicking on the elevator? Or something like that. Makoto had tried to return the favor, but Togami had brushed him off.  
  
Makoto shook his head, pushing away the thoughts. Now wasn't the time to think about that.  
  
He readjusted his blanket and pillow, and walked to the small hallway where their rooms were. He stopped at the threshold of the hallway. On each of the doors, minus the last one to the right, was a sticky note.  
  
"Oh, mornin' Naegi!" A bubbly voice piped up behind him.  
  
Makoto tensed before turning around.  
  
"Oh, morning Asahina! What's up with the sticky notes?"  
  
Asahina's eyes brighten, and she smiled lightly.  
  
"I found some sticky notes on the bookshelf, so I wrote my name on it and stuck it to a door. Well, I didn't _just_ write my name but it still got the point across. Then Hagakure copied me, and then Kirigiri, Fukawa, and Togami."  
  
"That's actually pretty smart." Makoto mused.  
  
"Here!" Asahina handed Makoto a stack of sticky notes and a black pen. "Write whatever you want and just stick it to the door."  
  
Makoto took the sticky notes and pen from Asahina and walked down the hallway to the only room left. Walking by, he noted all the messages everyone else wrote.  
  
_Aoi Asahina!!!_ There was a doodle of a person swimming.  
  
_Yasuhiro Hagakure lives here now_ in neat distinctive lettering.  
  
_Kyoko Kirigiri_ Surprisingly, there was a doodle of a magnifying glass with some tiny words written underneath: _your welcome—Hina :D_  
  
_Toko Fukawa_ Accompanying it was a messy sketch of a book.  
  
_Byakuya Togami_ in looping cursive. Makoto couldn't tell if it looked elegant or gaudy.  
  
Makoto stopped in front of his door. What should he write? The possibilities seemed so endless to the point where he gave up and quickly wrote down a simple _Makoto_ and stuck it to the door.  
  
Entering the room, there was a simple bed with gray sheets in the middle, along with a dresser next to it. There was a door on the right and left wall. Makoto set the blanket and pillow on the bed, and went to check the two doors. The closet was the right door, the bathroom the left door.  
  
He went inside the bathroom, and quickly washed his face. His eyes widened when he looked back up into the mirror. Makoto's hair was a mess. It always was when he woke up in the mornings. A flush of embarrassment spread across his face as he realized that Kirigiri had seen the tangled nest that was his hair. He sighed and combed his fingers through it, attempting to calm the hairs down.  
  
As he did so, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. Looking closer, Makoto gave a thoughtful hum. Surprisingly, there was an unopened package containing a toothbrush and toothpaste on the counter. _That's nice of them_ , he thought.  
  
He brushed his teeth and left the bathroom, feeling significantly better than when he woke up. A light knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts.  
  
Opening the door revealed Kirigiri. "Munakata is here. Come on."  
  
Makoto followed her to the lounge, where his eyes were immediately drawn to Togami. Togami was wearing a scowl, and when he locked eyes with Makoto, it deepened.  
  
Confused, Makoto thought back to what he could've possibly done to encourage such a reaction. He hadn't seen Togami when he woke up, so was it something he did yesterday?  
  
Suddenly, Makoto remembered that he'd laid down next to Togami when they all slept in the lounge; he'd bumped into him on accident. Ah, maybe that was the reason? He should probably apologize for that again.  
  
"Oh good, you're all here. Let's go then. Follow me."  
  
Before he could walk over to Togami, Munakata rounded them all up and began leading them to Tengan's office.  
  
Stepping into the elevator made Makoto's nerves flare up. He dug his nails into his palms to distract himself. Glancing over at Kirigiri, Makoto noticed that she looked completely calm. Did she feel nervous being in an elevator, or was it just him?  
  
Well, there was at least one person who Makoto knew had to be feeling less than calm, if he was going by yesterday's ordeal. Though, when Makoto looked at him, Togami's face was neutral. However, looking closer, he realized that Togami was standing very rigidly. Almost unnaturally so...  
  
Makoto tried discreetly shuffling a bit closer to ask Togami if he was okay but he was interrupted once more—the elevator had reached the first floor.  
  
Stepping off, Makoto and the others continued to trail after Munakata. The hallway they were walking down looked much more futuristic than the hallway on the dorm floor. It was offset by the sunlight streaming through the windows.  
  
Eventually, they arrived at a simple wooden door sporting a gold plaque with the name "Kazuo Tengan".  
  
Makoto gulped. His anxiety bubbled up, causing him to shove his hands into his pockets. Munakata knocked on the door before opening it. The survivors stepped in after him.  
  
Tengan was sitting at a desk, stacks upon stacks of papers littered all over it. There was a window behind him illuminating the room. In front of the desks were two chairs, and even further in front of those chairs were two small sofas.  
  
Tengan looked up from his paperwork when they all walked in, and he gave them a small nod.  
  
"Please, take a seat."  
  
Sitting down on the sofas, Makoto found himself between Kirigiri and Togami, the latter seeming to be leaning as far away from Makoto as possible. Across from them were Asahina, Fukawa, and Hagakure.  
  
Munakata stepped out as soon as all of them were seated. There was a pause as Tengan seemed to take his merry time, shuffling some papers around before clearing his throat.  
  
"Our mission, when the killing game was first broadcast, was to rescue you and put you under our care. Being put under our care would mean residing here for the time being. Whether you want to join our organization or not will be something we get to later on. For now," he stopped shuffling his papers and fixed them all with a stare, "we will be taking care of you. Both physically, and...mentally." Tengan smiled grimly at them.  
  
He stood up and paced to the front of the desk, leaning up against it and crossing his arms.  
  
"We have a schedule that everyone tends to follow. Breakfast is served from eight to nine, but if you miss it you're free to use the kitchen to make yourself some."  
  
"So... the kitchen is open to everyone?" Asahina asked.  
  
"Yes, like I said, feel free to use it when you miss the breakfast time. It's not unusual to find people in there making their breakfasts, especially the agents who are out all night."  
  
"And what do they do exactly?" Kirigiri raised an eyebrow.  
  
Tengan chuckled. "That is confidential. But I digress. After breakfast you may do as you please, but try not to bother any of the workers unless it's necessary. Lunch is from twelve-thirty to one-thirty. The same rules apply if you miss it."  
  
He paused suddenly, and looked at them individually one by one, almost as if he was searching for something. Makoto stared back in confusion, rubbing his thumb between his fingers nervously.  
  
"At four you have your group therapy—"  
  
As if a flip was switched, everyone began speaking up at once.  
  
"Th-therapy?! Wh-what do you—"  
  
"What is the meaning of this—"  
  
"I see..."  
  
"Is this a joke? Cuz if you are that—"  
  
"Therapy?! Is it for free or—"  
  
"Huh?!"  
  
"I thought you would react as such. No, it is not a joke. I was being completely serious when I said that we would be taking care of you, both physically _and_ mentally."  
  
"So that's what you meant." Kirigiri crossed her arms, a quiet curiosity in her eyes.  
  
"It is mandatory for all of you. You must—"  
  
"Whose giving the therapy?" Kirigiri fired the question at Tengan.  
  
"A licensed therapist, if that's what you were wondering," Tengan's grim smile turned amused, "him and one the heads of the branches will be working together to help you recover from the...situation."  
  
Once more, Kirigiri interrupted Tengan, stating bluntly, "You mean the trauma."  
  
Tengan raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "That's one way to put it." He paused again.  
  
"...In short, the therapy is there to help you. Many of our agents have partaken in it, and so should you. The session is about an hour long. Dinner is from 8:00 to 9:00, same rules apply. Other than that, the rest of the day is yours. Any questions?"  
  
Not surprisingly, Kirigiri spoke up.  
  
"What exactly are we doing here? Are you trying to recruit us? Or...?"  
  
Tengan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We can discuss that after you've been here for a week or two. In the mean time, the most important thing is for all of you to recover as much as you can from the ordeal that you went through. If you want a set date to talk about this, how about a week or two?"  
  
Kirigiri's gaze was impassive, almost nonchalant, but Makoto could feel how tense she was. He made it a note to check up with her later in the day.  
  
"That sounds fine," she answered curtly.  
  
Tengan gave her a firm nod, and turned to the rest of them. "Any other questions?"  
  
Asahina tentatively said, "So...can we use the kitchen whenever we want?"  
  
That made Tengan chuckle softly.  
  
"Yes, so long as you don't go overboard. Anything else?"  
  
Makoto and some of the others shook their heads. Tengan gave them another nod and dismissed them quietly, returning to his desk.  
  
Togami was the first one to stand, with Makoto and the others quickly following suit. Makoto's nervousness finally bubbled over, causing him speed walk towards the door. He reached for the doorknob before Tengan caught everyone's attention again.  
  
"The cafeteria is on the first floor by the way."  
  
With that Makoto turned the knob, and they all spilled out into the hallway. They stood in silence for a couple of seconds, and Makoto forced himself to speak up.  
  
"I guess we should head to the cafeteria then." He tried smiling, but he had no idea if it was convincing or not. "C'mon guys, let's go."  
  
Leading the way down the hallway, Makoto tried calming his nerves down. He didn't even know why he felt so nervous. He'd thought leaving Tengan's office would make it better but he just felt worse. He shoved his hands in his pockets, continuing to rub his thumb against his curled up fingers.  
  
Soon enough they reached the elevator, and he grimaced as it's doors opened and they stepped in. Thankfully he could barely tell that the elevator was moving. If the elevator had made noise, Makoto would've probably pulled his hair out. Or scream. Or both. God, why was he feeling like this? He barely even heard the elevator ding, all he could hear was a distant _clang clang clang_.  
  
The doors opened, and Makoto sucked in a breath. Together the survivors headed off to the cafeteria. It was big, much bigger than the one at the academy, and it was extremely loud.  
  
Asahina pointed out where the line for the food was, and they all walked to stand in it. Makoto found his gaze landing on Togami as they waited in line. He somehow ended up ahead of them in line. He looked disgusted, making Makoto want to laugh. Someone tapped his shoulder. Shifting his gaze, he found Kirigiri standing behind him, arms crossed and a searching look on her face.  
  
"Naegi are you feeling okay? You look sort of pale."  
  
Makoto's eye's widened and he spluttered out a meek "Ah, I'm fine, just feeling kinda nervous..."  
  
Asahina leaned her head out from around Kirigiri and asked "Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
Makoto forced a smile, willing himself to cheer up. "It was just a weird dream I had, it's no big deal. And...I guess I'm still processing everything that Tengan said."  
  
Asahina made a noise in agreement. "Mhmm, I dunno how to feel about it. It just feels too good to be true, ya know?"  
  
Kirigiri frowned lightly, and she nodded. "That's what I'm worried about."  
  
Makoto brought his fist to his chin. "Well, if you're worried about that, do you want to walk around the building after breakfast?"  
  
"Yeah, that's a great idea! Oh! Do you think they might have some sort of pool or something?!" Asahina gripped Kirigiri's arm and bounced up and down excitedly. Shock colored Kirigiri's face before a small smile flickered across it instead. For once the smile on Makoto's face was genuine.  
  
Makoto finally reached the start of the line and grabbed a tray of food, which was just a bowl of miso soup because honestly? Makoto doubted that he could keep anything more than that down. He followed Asahina and Kirigiri as they found a small table to sit at. Hagakure eventually joined as well, but when he noticed that neither Togami nor Fukawa were nowhere to be seen, he felt a spike of fear in his chest. No, no they were fine. They probably went to go sit somewhere else. That's all.  
  
Asahina pouted and said "Geez, you would think they'd have the courtesy to sit with us after everything."  
  
Makoto felt a tinge of disappointment at the fact that Togami hadn't bothered sitting with them. He had thought that...well...that maybe Togami felt like becoming friends with Makoto. Especially after yesterday. There's no way Togami would've tried to make Makoto feel better on the helicopter if he didn't consider him a friend, right?  
  
It frustrated Makoto that Togami was switching back and forth. First he makes it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with any of them, consistently insulting them. But then he goes and comforts Makoto for the _entirety_ of the helicopter ride, going so far as to practically hold him. He even played along with Makoto's idea of sleeping on the floor, something he thought Togami would've refused to do. But now he's gone back to avoiding them.  
  
"Woh Nahgee, ur ace lookhs intents doo. Somfing on ur mine?" Hagakure said mid-chew. Asahina lightly smacked the back of his head.  
  
"Don't talk while you eat, that's rude!"  
  
Makoto let out a light laugh, and Kirigiri smirked.  
  
"I'm just frustrated that Togami didn't bother to stay with us."  
  
"Ugh, don't worry about it, he's totally missing out if I'm being honest. But on the topic of what's on your mind, what was your dream about?"  
  
"O-oh, it wasn't, umm..." Makoto cringed at his stuttering, "it was just about...the academy..." he tapered off.  
  
"Ohhh, yeah I had a nightmare too. It was about Sakura..." Asahina reached over and grasped Makoto's hand. She smiled softly at him, her blue eyes full of kindness.  
  
"Don't worry about it Naegi. I'm sure all of us will be having nightmares about that place for a while. Just don't forget that we're here for you, m'kay?"  
  
"I agree with Asahina. You can talk to us Naegi. We're friends okay? Friends...rely on each other, right?" Kirigiri was wearing the softest smile he had seen on her since he met her, and it made Makoto want to cry.  
  
He gave them a watery smile. "Right," He choked out. A swell of affection for his friends rose up and settled in his chest, a warm weight to it. They continued chatting happily after that, Asahina and Hagakure playfully teasing each other, with Kirigiri occasionally redirecting the conversation when they got too off topic. Makoto simply sat and listened, letting his friends' voices wash over him, making him feel lighter.  
  
\---  
  
The building had fifty-three floors in total. They explored the place floor by floor. Or, they tried to. When they got to the second floor, they ran into a tall brown man with greenish-brown hair and pink eyes. He looked pretty pissed when he found them peaking into an empty room.  
  
Apparently the first 20 floors were off limits to them. When Kirigiri brought up the fact that Tengan never told them that, it seemed to make him even angrier. He had stormed off after that. Makoto would've found the whole situation amusing if he hadn't been so intimidated by the guy. Maybe it was Makoto being paranoid but he could've sworn the guy had specifically given him a death glare.  
  
They moved on after that. They ended up finding some pretty interesting places and rooms. On the first floor they found a door that lead them to a small concrete path outside. The path led them down to multiple warehouses. All of them were impressively huge, and contained a variety of objects.  
  
Hagakure ended up finding a crystal ball somehow, and he offered them a fortune telling session. Asahina accepted while Kirigiri and Makoto politely declined. According to Hagakure, Asahina would end up finding a box of donuts later in the day. Whether that was an actual fortune or Hagakure trying to cheer Asahina up would remain a mystery, but Makoto hoped it was the latter.  
  
When they went back to the cafeteria, Asahina made a beeline towards the kitchen, letting out a squeal as she did so. Makoto laughed and ran after her, tripping in the process and knocking over a couple of bowls. That had Hagakure cackling and Makoto blushing furiously. Even Kirigiri had let out a chuckle, much to Makoto's embarrassment. On the plus side, the bowls had been hiding a small package of donut-holes, which Asahina snatched up immediately.  
  
Some of the other floors had break rooms, one of which contained a very fancy coffee machine that Makoto convinced Kirigiri to use. She ended up making Makoto a cup of coffee too, which he drowned in cream and sugar. Kirigiri looked a bit mortified when she saw him put in eight spoonfuls of sugar and Makoto had giggled in response.  
  
Moving up a couple floors, they ended up finding a huge library on the tenth floor, and Asahina had to practically drag Kirigiri away from it. Makoto saw a couple books that caught his interest, but none that he wanted to read immediately.  
  
The rest of the floors blurred together, until they reached the thirty-sixth floor. From what they had explored together, the first twenty floors were dedicated to the different branches of Future Foundation. Floors twenty-one through thirty-five were the living quarters, all of which looked almost exactly the same. Floor thirty-six though, was a bit different than the first twenty. It didn't seem to be specialized to any of the branches, seeming more like a spare floor.  
  
There were several rooms that contained long tables and chairs, more libraries, computer rooms, and more break rooms. Every floor after that was practically the same, all the way to the fifty-first floor. On that floor they ran into a woman with long orange hair and a blue dress cleaning a long white table. The majority of the walls there had been made out of glass. Her name was Chisa Yukizome, and she was the head of the fifth branch, which specialized in intelligence, inquiry, and counter-espionage.  
  
According to her, the last three floors held meeting rooms where all the heads of the branches would discuss how to handle large scale problems. There was some sort of "special technology" on the floors too, but when Kirigiri had pressed for more information, Yukizome smiled sympathetically and said that it was classified.  
  
Yukizome was very bubbly and sweet, reminding Makoto of a small puppy while simultaneously giving him whiplash compared to the other guy on the second floor. She ruffled his hair as she skipped out of the room, leaving Makoto confused. His cheeks heated up as soon as he processed what had happened, and Hagakure had teased him about it.  
  
Eventually they all went back down to the first floor, and Makoto suggested that they should walk around outside for a bit.  
  
"I just want to be outside, you know? I...I missed the sun, as cheesy as that sounds hahaha..."  
  
"Aww, me too Naegi! It feels so warm and nice outside. We should totally just chill out there until lunch."  
  
And with that they headed outside. There was a small bridge connecting the building's island to another smaller island, one that held some more warehouses. _Geez how many supplies do these guys have?_  
  
They arrived at a small clearing with some benches and trees, and there was a water fountain in the middle. Surprisingly, they found Togami reading a book at one of the tables, with Fukawa standing all the way across the other side of the clearing.  
  
"There you are! Gosh, we've been trying to find you for forever now. Why'd you guys just leave us behind?" Asahina put her hands on her hips.  
  
"And why would I want to be around _you_ guys?"  
  
"If you had been so kind as to join us, you would've been able to explore the building along with us. Unless you did that by yourself?" Kirigiri said cooly.  
  
Togami scoffed. "I don't need to inform you of what I did."  
  
Makoto scrambled to break the tension. "Ah, w-well now we're all here, yeah? We can just hangout here for a bit, at least until lunch." He offered Togami his brightest smile, but Togami simply rolled his eyes and looked back at his book.  
  
Makoto went to go sit at the water fountain, watching as the water sprayed upwards in a hypnotizing dance. Togami's table was situated right next to the fountain as well. Asahina sat down next to Makoto, and she called out to Fukawa.  
  
"Hey Fukawa, why don't you come sit with us?"  
  
"M-Master told me to st-stay as far away from h-him as p-possible," she said with a giggle and pressed her fingertips together in...glee? Pleasure? Either way Makoto found it kinda gross.  
  
"Ugh, Togami tell her that it's okay for her to sit with us."  
  
Togami sneered at Asahina. "I will do no such thing, I don't want her to drool all over my book."  
  
"Togami..." Makoto fixed him with a disapproving stare. "Please?"  
  
Togami was silent for a minute before sighing and waving his hand flippantly at Fukawa. She gasped and launched herself towards the fountain. Kirigiri calmly walked over to Togami's table, and he glared harshly at her when she sat down. Hagakure, on the other hand, simply sat on the floor next to the fountain.  
  
Looking up towards the blue sky, Makoto suddenly remembered his question from earlier in the day.  
  
"Hey, was it just me, or was the sky red yesterday?"  
  
"Ohhh yeahhh, that had me pretty confused when I woke up today. I thought that maybe aliens or something had tampered with the atmosphere."  
  
Makoto looked over at Hagakure, stunned. Kirigiri shook her head, and Asahina slapped her forehead.  
  
"Every time you open your mouth, my opinion of you gets lower and lower," Togami rubbed his forehead, "They have air purifiers here. They were created by Towa Group, but the purifiers aren't strong enough to work all the time. Because of that they're switched to low power during the night, which is why the sky is still red sometimes."  
  
"And who told you that?" Kirigiri inquired.  
  
"The head of the forth branch."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"...Well?"  
  
Togami smirked at Kirigiri. "Well what?"  
  
Kirigiri clicked her tongue, exasperated. "What's their name and what does the branch specialize in?"  
  
"Seiko Kimura, and they research and develop medial equipment and techniques."  
  
Makoto nodded. "That makes sense. Thanks for telling us Togami."  
  
Togami's expression was indecipherable. He went back to reading his book, and Makoto pretended to not be bothered by it. He turned back to Hagakure.  
  
"Did you really think it was aliens?"  
  
"Why of course dude! It was the only explanation that made sense."  
  
"O-only if y-you're an idiot."  
  
Asahina scolded Fukawa, but it was ruined by her smile.  
  
"Gosh, you're like one of those conspiracy theorist that think lizard people are in the government."  
  
"He just needs a tinfoil hat." Togami muttered, flipping a page in his book.  
  
Kirigiri raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I didn't know you could crack jokes Togami."  
  
Togami shot her a withering look, Makoto watching in amusement. "I wasn't making a _joke_ about it, don't be absurd. Hagakure is simply a moron, that's all there is to it."  
  
"Hey! I'm telling you aliens do exist! Did you forget about the hamburger?!"  
  
"Oh, you mean that blatant lie?"  
  
"It's not a lie, I swear!"  
  
"I don't know Hagakure," Makoto teased with a smile. Hagakure looked betrayed but seemingly encouraged somehow, and thus he began to rant about aliens for a while.  
  
Fukawa continued insulting him and occasionally Asahina would chastise her, but for the time being Makoto just basked in the friendly banter. Friendly might've been pushing it in regards to Fukawa though.  
  
Eventually lunch time began approaching, and the group plus Fukawa started heading back in. Makoto noticed that Togami had stayed behind, so he hung back a bit to talk to him.  
  
"Togami? How come you're not walking with us?"  
  
Togami picked up his book and walked past Makoto. "I don't have to be around you lot if I don't want to. It's a waste of my time."  
  
"Hey, now wait a minute. Even if _you_ don't consider us friends, I—all of _us_ do. After everything that we've been through, don't you think we'd be worried if one of us didn't show up when we're all together?!"  
  
Makoto's hands balled into fists, and his throat ached with a familiar itch. God, he was getting so frustrated! Togami was being borderline antagonistic for no reason, and it was starting to grate on his nerves.  
  
Togami looked taken aback for a split second before his face settled into a cool neutral. It just annoyed Makoto.  
  
"Can you just sit with us once? Please?"  
  
Makoto could practically feel Togami's scorning judgement scratching the inside of his head. However, when Togami spoke up again, it was Makoto's turn to be taken aback.  
  
"...Fine."  
  
Makoto gaped at Togami. "Really?!"  
  
"Don't make me repeat myself."  
  
Togami pushed past Makoto and began walking toward the building, Makoto hurrying to catch up with him. Even though Togami made Makoto want to tear his hair out sometimes, he was still glad that he'd chosen to join them for lunch. He felt something else as well, a warmth curling in his chest, but he tried to not examine the feeling too closely.  
  
When both of them joined the others in the cafeteria, Kirigiri gave Makoto a smirk and began trying to converse with Togami. Sure, the conversation became sort of stilted as soon as Togami had sat down, but Makoto was just happy to be surrounded by all his friends.  
  
When lunch was over, they headed back outside. Makoto sat with Togami at the table this time. The sun felt warm on his skin, and the sounds of his friends laughing and talking brought a smile to his face. Everything felt so...normal, for once. Soon enough, his eyes began to feel heavy, so Makoto rested his head and arms on the table. He let the conversations lull him to sleep. Taking a nap didn't sound like a bad idea...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell Makoto is my favorite character... I had a blast writing this chapter! I had to try so hard to not post this earlier bc I was getting really impatient, but I finally managed to get halfway through the other chapter I was working on, so I was able to post today! On the downside school starts next week for me which means I won't be able to post as frequently as I was planning to. Updates will be once a month, but if I get ahead of my schedule then it'll probably be 2 or three times a month. Please feel free to leave comments and reviews, I'd love to hear your thoughts <3


	3. Chapter 2: Making Things Unwind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The kids finally get therapy! Eyyyy  
> Because of that this chapter is bit dialogue-heavy, so please let me know if y'all enjoy that or not  
> Trigger warning for panic attacks (as usual), and blood in Makoto's nightmare sequence towards the end of the chapter.

"Naegi...get up. I refuse to be late because of you."  
  
Something smacked the back of Makoto's head, startling him awake.  
  
"Wahhh! I'm up, I'm up!" His head snapped up, arms flailing to cover his head. He winced as the sunlight burned his eyes, making him blink harshly.  
  
 _What the...? Oh, I must've fallen asleep. Talk about deja vu huh?_  
  
Looking around, he became confused as he realized everyone else was standing up. He let his gaze drift upwards and noticed Togami was in front of him, his book held in one hand. Ah. So that's what hit him. Absentmindedly, Makoto rubbed the back of his head.  
  
"Naegi, it's getting close to four, we need to go back inside for the therapy session." Kirigiri said.  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Makoto said, scratching his chin nervously.  
  
"Come on then, let's go."  
  
Makoto got up, stretching his arms in the process. The sun was a bit lower now, and if Makoto looked close enough, he could make out the tiniest tint of red in the sky. He sighed before following the others back into the building. Togami seemed to have taken the lead, throwing a glace behind his shoulder to make sure everyone was following him. He must've found out where the sessions were held then.  
  
Contrary to what he'd said, Makoto hadn't actually forgotten about the therapy. No, in fact, he had just tried to push it to the back of his mind. There was no need to spend the day anxious about it. He'd already worried Kirigiri and Asahina as it was. Makoto would feel more guilty if he'd somehow managed to worsen their worry.  
  
In all honesty, as soon as Tengan had mentioned the therapy, Makoto had started to dread it. It'd grown worse as the day went on, but he'd been grateful for his friends distracting him. Now though? His anxiety was blowing through the roof. Why was he so nervous?! They were just going to talk, that's it, nothing bad was going to happen, so why did Makoto want the earth to swallow him whole?  
  
Walking down the hallways felt funny, like his legs were jelly, making Makoto feel like he was on the verge of collapsing. No, actually, it was more like his anxiety had turned into a lead weight, dragging him down. He lingered towards the back of the group, trying to prolong the inevitable, but based on the frequent glances Kirigiri threw at him, he wasn't being subtle about it. Makoto was so focused on how he had done a poor job at not worrying his friends that he never noticed Togami throwing glances at him too.  
  
They packed into the elevator, and Makoto could've sworn someone had started to choke him. He could barely breathe, a painful pressure blooming behind his eyes. His eyes darted to Togami, and to Makoto's surprise Togami looked queasy. He held his book in a death grip, shoulders tensed up. He was about to ask to Togami if he was okay when a hand landed on his shoulder, making him flinch.  
  
He came face to face with Kirigiri. Her violet eyes held barely concealed worry in them, her eyebrows furrowed. She looked...pale. Really pale, actually. Guess he wasn't the only one that was nervous.  
  
Her grip was a little too harsh for comfort, but Makoto didn't mind. He took out a hand from his pocket and placed it on top of Kirigiri's. Was she...?  
  
She flipped her palm upwards, grabbed his hand and squeezed, and Makoto squeezed back, albeit a bit harder. Kirigiri let out a silent breath at that, her eyes sliding shut, so Makoto relaxed his hand and squeezed again. Squeeze, breathe, relax, repeat.  
  
Kirigiri's hand finally went lax in Makoto's grip. He placed his other hand on top and smiled reassuringly at her. She smiled back, and then—  
  
The elevator dinged.  
  
They were on the 7th floor. As soon as the doors opened, Togami shot out and began walking briskly down the hallway, the others hurrying after him. This time Makoto found himself in the middle of the group. Progress was progress, right?  
  
Togami led them to a dark wooden door. He rapped his knuckles on it, and then stepped back. A man opened the door, with short hair and kind brown eyes.  
  
"Togami! Oh, and the others are here too, perfect! You're right on time guys, c'mon in."  
  
He opened the door further, and the survivors stepped in. The room was warm and cozy, with a bookshelf and a long table on one side and a circle of chairs on the other. This room also had an abundance of plants, making the room smell pleasant. Makoto felt the corners of his mouth twitch upwards as his eyes landed on a painting of a sunflower.  
  
"Wait, Togami, how do you know this guy?" Hagakure asked.  
  
Togami crossed his arms, albeit a bit awkwardly with the book in his hand. " _Somebody_ had to go find where the sessions would be held, since Tengan failed to mention it."  
  
"Ah, he did? Tengan's quite the man, huh?" The man chuckled.  
  
"So, you're our... therapist?" Makoto tilted his head.  
  
"Yes indeed! Please, take a seat wherever you wish. Ah, but keep it in the circle, yeah?"  
  
The man sat down, with Hagakure choosing to sit next to him. Asahina sat on the other side of the man, followed by Kirigiri, Makoto, Togami, and Fukawa. The face Togami made when Fukawa sat next to him almost made Makoto burst into giggles, but he managed to cover it by coughing.  
  
"So, my name's Ren Mochida, but you all can call me Mochida. I will be your therapist from here on out. Feel free to come seek me out for one-on-one sessions if you want, my door's always open. After all, it's my job!"  
  
"Did you used to be a therapist before?" Makoto asked.  
  
"Yep! I worked in Tokyo before everything went down hill. But enough about me! Let's talk about you. Can I get all of your names first?"  
  
They each stated their names, with Mochida writing them down in a small notebook. _When did he take that out?_  
  
"Alrighty then, how about we start off light and easy, yeah? Going around the circle, let's start off with three things you like, three things you dislike."  
  
"Wait, that's it?" Asahina asked.  
  
"Mhmm! Unless you all want to skip right into the meat of the issue?"  
  
Nobody had an answer to that.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I assumed. For now, we'll be taking things easy, working our way up to the big things. You gotta warm up before you run a marathon, right?"  
  
Makoto let out a small sigh of relief. While he wasn't...opposed to talking about the killing game, he knew that some of the others probably wouldn't be so inclined. In fact, Makoto was sort of glad. He wanted more...time? That's it, more time to process everything. Yeah.  
  
They'd lost so many people, and the fact that they'd all known each other before? That they had all been classmates, had trusted one another? It left a nasty feeling in Makoto's mouth, a sickening coating of bitterness.  
  
Makoto was brought out of his thoughts by Togami. "Why," Togami said, a deadpan expression on his face.  
  
"Why what?" Mochida blinked innocently at Togami.  
  
"The likes and dislikes."  
  
"Well, think about it. Yes, you're all friends—"  
  
Togami rolled his eyes. "We're not friends."  
  
Mochida paused before barreling on wards like Togami hadn't spoken at all, causing Togami to scowl. Despite his buzzing anxiety, Makoto found himself fighting down a smile.  
  
"You're all friends because of what you all experienced, yes, but you probably don't really know much about each other, right?"  
  
"That's..." Kirigiri glanced at Makoto and Asahina, making Makoto scrunch his eyebrows in confusion, "true, I suppose."  
  
Mochida nodded encouragingly. "Exactly, so it makes sense that you'd want to get to know each other better! And what better way to do it than by finding out little tiny things, like their favorite foods or colors?"  
  
Makoto nodded alongside Kirigiri and the others. That was true, he thought. When Makoto really thought about it, he didn't know all that much about Kirigiri or Asahina or...Togami for that matter.  
  
Mochida flapped his hands at Hagakure, as if saying "go on".  
  
Hagakure opened his mouth to speak, but Mochida interrupted. "Oh, and try not mention likes and dislikes that are associated with your talent. That's a no brainer."  
  
Makoto spotted Asahina pouting, and Fukawa huffing.  
  
"Well, I guess three things I like would be vintage jewelry, archaeology, and...uh...history," Hagakure mumbled out the last word. "Three things I dislike huh? Needles. Like, vaccines and stuff, cooking, and taxes!"  
  
There was a burst of giggles and chuckles from the circle as Hagakure said his last dislike with a prideful sort of tone. Makoto wondered if Hagakure's debt was still a thing after the Tragedy. Or, Makoto guessed the Tragedy was still on-going. Either way, if Hagakure was still technically in debt, Makoto could only imagine what he would do to get rid of it.  
  
"Oooh, you like jewelry Hagakure? That's interesting! I didn't take you for a jewelry kinda guy," Asahina said excitedly.  
  
"Ah, it's my turn, right? Hmm... Well, I like donuts," Makoto grinned. _Of course._ "And I like competitions. Oh! And cats! And I don't like science, math, or laziness."  
  
Kirigiri cleared her throat. "I suppose I like novels, coffee, and antique stores. I dislike melons, coriander, and sweet pastries." Asahina let out a small gasp. "Sorry Asahina," Kirigiri said, a ghost of a smile on her face.  
  
There was a beat of silence before Makoto realized that it was his turn. There was a brief moment where he panicked—he didn't really have anything he strongly liked or disliked, his interests were just so...ordinary. He ended up blurting out the first things he could think of.  
  
"Umm...I guess I like curry, manga, and—" he looked at a potted plant with a small daisy, "—flowers? I uh, dislike dried mackerel, dried bean curd, and spiders."  
  
Asahina's eyes seemed to sparkle. "You like flowers Naegi? That's so cute! What's your favorite flower?" Makoto blushed furiously, and stuttered out a hesitant, "U-umm, I uh—" his gaze landed on the sunflower painting, "s-sunflowers?"  
  
Togami sighed. "Do we really have to do this? It's pointless and idiotic." Makoto fought the urge to roll his eyes. Did Togami have to keep complaining every other minute?  
  
Looking over at Mochida, Makoto saw his previous smile transform into a wild, gleeful grin. It sent a chill down Makoto's spine.  
  
"I'm sorry, are you a licensed therapist Mr. Togami? You can take over if you want. So, how do you propose we continue?" Mochida said with a sugar-sweet tone. Makoto's jaw dropped as he heard snickers and gasps ring out from the circle.  
  
Togami blinked, his face impassive as he seemed to process the information. Makoto watched in a strange mix of awe and second-hand embarrassment as Togami's face flushed a light pink, a sneer on his lips.  
  
"I like reading, black coffee, and tea. I dislike _idiots_ , commoners, and people _bothering me_ ," he hissed.  
  
Makoto winced at Togami's tone. Looks like he won't be joining them for dinner, huh? For once, Makoto was sort of glad that Togami would probably be avoiding them after this. He didn't think he could handle hanging out with a pissed off Togami, even if it made him feel a pang of disappointment.  
  
Fukawa meekly spoke up. "Th-three things I l-like are r-romance books, fountain p-pens, and M-Master..." Fukawa sighed lustfully, Togami looking like he was either five seconds away from storming off or throwing up. He leaned away from her, which coincidentally made him lean closer to Makoto. He froze as Togami's shoulder brushed against his own, but Togami quickly moved away as soon as he realized it.  
  
"A-and I don't l-like the d-d-dark, m-manga, and h-horror movies."  
  
Mochida beamed. "Alright, see! That wasn't so hard, was it? Now you guys know a little more about each other. Let's keep that theme going, no? We can talk about..." he looked down into his notebook, tapping his pen against chin, "Your families. Just one memory involving them. Whether it's a normal memory, a sad one, a funny one, or whatever, it's up to you."  
  
A beat of silence passed through them, and Makoto had a hard time deciphering if it was uncomfortable or not. A memory about his family...memory, memory, memory. He racked through his brain for one, for anything, but they all felt too...bland? Normal? Ordinary? His thinking was interrupted by Hagakure speaking.  
  
"This one time, when I was little, my mom took me to an arcade. They had a skee ball machine with plexiglass over the holes and I ended up crawling under it and getting stuck hahaha...My mom was so pissed, she tried tugging me out for about a minute before getting help. They had to unscrew the glass to get me out." This time everyone burst into laughter, minus a certain blond. Even Fukawa was snickering. Asahina asked between giggles, "How old were you?"  
  
"Aw man, I think I was like seven or eight."  
  
"Oh my god."  
  
Asahina caught her breath before piping up, "Okay, okay. I remember when I was twelve, my family took us out to an ice cream parlor to celebrate my first win in my school's swim meet. We got our ice cream cones and walked around the park for a bit, but I ended up tripping and dropping my cone on the floor. My little brother gave me his cone because he felt bad." Asahina's smile was bittersweet. Makoto's heart twisted in sympathy.  
  
"Your brother sounds pretty cool," he said softly.  
  
"Yeah. He was. He is."  
  
Makoto smiled back at her. Kirigiri drew both of their attentions.  
  
"It's my turn, correct? Well, once when I was working on a case with my grandfather, I ended up accidentally discovering a piece of evidence that connected the case to a previous cold case. Both were robberies and my grandfather ended up connecting it to several other strings of robberies. While I was the one that found the evidence, he was the one that pieced it all together. I should also mention that he solved and pieces everything together in about 5 hours or so. It was satisfying, solving so many cases at once."  
  
Hagakure whistled. "That's impressive. And kinda scary." Kirigiri chuckled at that, and then turned to Makoto.  
  
"Oh, I'm next, right. One time, when I was fourteen, me and Komaru, my sister, stayed up watching anime all night. We both forgot that we were going on a family trip that morning though, so when our parents walked in on us at five in the morning, they were kinda mad. We ended up getting grounded despite continuing with the trip."  
  
Asahina smiled at him slyly. "Did they make you do anything while you were grounded?"  
  
He grinned at her. "We had to clean our aunt's house while everyone else went to go out to eat."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
Makoto laughed lightly.  
  
It became silent when everyone realized that it was Togami's turn. _Geez, how many times are we going to trail off and not say anything?_ Makoto braced himself for Togami going on about being better than all of them—he could probably come up with a memory that'd do that.  
  
Right as Togami was about to speak, Mochida interrupted.  
  
"Actually Togami, I've got a special request for you. I want you to specifically choose a memory that you think everyone here will find funny or amusing," Mochida said smugly.  
  
Togami snarled. "I will do no such thing—"  
  
"You do realize that my boss, the head of the branch, will be hearing about these sessions, correct? She's the one overseeing this whole thing. As such, she's also in charge of discussing the results of these sessions with the other branch directors during their meetings."  
  
"Are you threatening me?!"  
  
"No, I'm just informing you of what will happen to the things that are said here during these therapy sessions. That's all."  
  
The tension in the air made Makoto shiver. Finally, Togami talked, albeit through gritted teeth.  
  
"...When I was twelve one of my siblings tried to sell our father's car and attempted to place the blame on another one of my siblings."  
  
Makoto's eyebrows shot up. _I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess that counts?_  
  
"Did they get caught?" Kirigiri inquired.  
  
"I don't have to divulge anymore information."  
  
Makoto actually rolled his eyes this time, exasperation coming off him in waves. He along with everyone else turned to Fukawa.  
  
Fukawa hesitantly began talking. "M-my moms t-took me to this h-huge library o-once for my b-birthday. I got l-lost and th-they didn't f-find me until a c-couple hours l-later. It w-was nice, actually. I m-managed to write a sh-short novel during th-that time."  
  
An awkward silence descended upon them as Fukawa finished. _We...are really bad at this, aren't we?_ When it became too awkward to bear, Mochida came to their rescue.  
  
"Alright, I think that's good for today. I'm glad I got to know a little bit about you guys. We'll pick up from here tomorrow, yeah?"  
  
Togami scoffed and immediately got up and left. Makoto and the others followed him more slowly.  
  
That...hadn't been as bad as Makoto would've thought. It'd been kind of nice, actually. And sort of eye opening. He really liked spending time with his friends and getting to know them better. It brought him a sense of normalcy that he didn't know he needed.  
  
He found himself looking forward to tomorrow's session.  
  
\---  
  
"Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell me that your dad set your /house/ on fire?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"With just a cigarette?!"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"I don't think you should sound so proud."  
  
"Yeah, I don't think that's the type of thing to look so smug about."  
  
After the session ended, everyone had seemed to gather back in their living quarters. Some had retreated to their rooms, (Kirigiri) while others hadn't even gone back with them (Togami and Fukawa).  
  
It had all started when Makoto overheard Asahina asking Hagakure if he had anymore funny stories like the one he told during the session. Makoto had begun walking to his room when Asahina called out to him and asked if he wanted to join them in their "story-swapping" as she had called it. So that's how Makoto found himself chatting with Asahina and Hagakure.  
  
"Oooh! I got a good one. Okay, so my little brother has a huge fear of snakes, right? And we were fighting over something, I can't remember over what, but I was really mad at him. So—" Asahina giggled, "I bought a bunch of those rubber snakes with sand inside of them. And I snuck into his room while he was asleep and placed them all over him."  
  
"Oh my god, Asahina..." Makoto let out a strangled gasp, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt.  
  
"Dude, remind me to never make you mad."  
  
Asahina cackled. "Needless to say, I woke up at seven in the morning to screams. My parents were so mad at me, but my brother ended up forgiving me."  
  
"Aw, that's actually really sweet."  
  
"Well, what about you Makoto?"  
  
"Umm...there was this one time me and Komaru got stuck in a tree. She ended up climbing up too high and couldn't get down, and I ended up getting my leg stuck between two branches. We stayed up in the tree for about a solid hour? I think?"  
  
Asahina stuttered out between laughs, "H-how did you get down?!"  
  
"Firefighters..." He mumbled out.  
  
Hagakure threw back his head and laughed.  
  
"I will admit, it's really funny looking back on it. Oh! And the best part was when a bird pooped on Komaru's head."  
  
Asahina wheezed, causing Makoto and Hagakure to start laughing hysterically. Makoto felt light, a warm and happy feeling bubbling inside him. When their laughter finally died down, Asahina said softly, "You guys can call me Hina if you want."  
  
Makoto blinked before saying just as softly, "Okay Hina."  
  
Suddenly, a door opened up from the corridor. Kirigiri walked in and stopped when she saw them sprawled over the couches. She looked amused.  
  
"Dinner's already started. Shall we go?"  
  
"Yeah! C'mon guys, let's go I'm starving!" Asahina grabbed Makoto and Hagakure's wrists and dragged them to the door. Together, they went down to the cafeteria.  
  
Sitting down at the same table as before, Makoto noticed that once again Togami and Fukawa were nowhere to be seen.  
  
They ate dinner quietly, chatting softly from time to time. That was until Kirigiri started talking about their session.  
  
"So, what did you think of the session?"  
  
"I really liked Mochida. Especially when he talked back to Togami. He's had it coming in my opinion."  
  
"You already slapped the dude though."  
  
"So I'm guessing you all enjoyed it then?" Kirigiri asked.  
  
Makoto nodded. "I'm actually kinda looking forward to tomorrow's session."  
  
Kirigiri was quiet for a minute. "Do you trust the Foundation?"  
  
All of them collectively stopped what they were doing. What a loaded question. Did they trust the Foundation? Makoto's first instinct was to say yes, yes he did. The Future Foundation had helped them so much in such a small timeframe, but he also knew that it was very easy to be betrayed by others. Too easy.  
  
"I want to trust them, but I don't know much about them to really make a decision. They did help us though, so maybe they might be trustworthy? Only time will tell I guess." Makoto said.  
  
"Yeah, I doubt they'd be offering us things like a place to sleep and _therapy_ if they weren't good guys," Asahina added, shrugging her shoulders.  
  
Hagakure leaned back in his seat. "Well I trust them. I mean, it's not like we have anywhere else to go."  
  
Kirigiri nodded, arms crossed and a finger tapping rhythmically against her jacket. "I see. It can't be helped I suppose. We'll just have to wait and see if we can trust them or not."  
  
Makoto scratched his chin thoughtfully. "And if we can't?"  
  
"...I'll come up with a plan."  
  
"W-what are y-you all t-talking about? Are you p-planning something?!"  
  
Makoto whipped around and saw Fukawa standing behind them, a tray of half-eaten food in her hands.  
  
"What are _you_ doing here? Weren't you running after Togami?"  
  
Fukawa grinned and sighed, holding a hand to her cheek. "M-Master ordered me to l-leave him alone and to s-sit with a-all of you."  
  
 _That...makes sense. Leave it to Togami to find a loophole for avoiding Fukawa._  
  
"We were just discussing the Future Foundation. It's nothing to worry about," Kirigiri said.  
  
Fukawa still looked suspiciously at all of them, but she sat down regardless. With that, everyone went back to their dinners.  
  
Makoto was the first one to finish, and excusing himself, he went back to his room. The day's exhaustions were finally wearing down on him, so much so that when he entered his room he flopped onto the bed and stayed there for who knows how long. An hour? Or two? Okay, maybe it was three hours, but nobody needed to know that.  
  
Eventually he got up and to go take a shower. He was just barely able to stumble into the bathroom, and once or twice he found himself nodding off. He got out before he could fall asleep standing. With his luck, he'd probably slip and break something.  
  
Makoto turned off the lights in the room, bathing the room in darkness. He slipped under the covers and practically melted into the bed. It didn't take long before he fell into a deep sleep.  
  
\---  
  
 _"Aww, looks like your friends voted for you, huh? That's a real shame puhuhuhuhuhu."_  
  
 _No. No no no. No no no **nononononono** —_  
  
 ** _(Failure)_**  
  
 _This—this couldn't be happening. Why? Why?! He thought that he could do it, he thought he'd be able to rekindle the hope in his friends, he thought he could be enough but...he was wrong. He wasn't good enough. He never was. He was just another painfully average, ordinary person. A nobody. Did he really think he could rally everyone together? God, he was an idiot, wasn't he?_  
  
 ** _(Pathetic)_**  
  
 _He could feel it. He could feel the despair, trying to wrap itself tightly around his body, squeezing every last breath out of him, like a thick black sludge crawling its way up his throat, choking him. His body was shaking, hot flashes searing through his head. It was inching closer and closer, crushing his chest._  
  
 ** _(Useless)_**  
  
 _No! He wasn't going to give up, not now! Not like this, he couldn't. He grasped the last bits of his resolve, tucked it close to his heart, and began the battle once again. But he knew what he was actually doing. God, he was selfish, wasn't he? He wasn't some hero valiantly fighting against despair. He was just a scared kid buying time. He called out to them, begging until his voice was hoarse, until his throat was raw, until until until until until—_  
  
 ** _(It's your fault)_**  
  
 _His horror grew when he felt something wet on his cheeks. He desperately tried to fight it, tried to keep the tears from falling, clinging to his podium like his life depended on it. But then again, his life didn't depend on it at all, did it? Not anymore. He was dead. He was a dead man._  
  
 ** _(Hopeless)_**  
  
 _He failed. He sucked in a shuddering breath, hugging himself tightly. He took one last look at his friends, but all that he could see were blurred faces, strangers, prying into his soul. He felt so cold. Their stares dung under his skin, stinging him, making him bleed from within._  
  
 ** _(Hopeless)_**  
  
 _A collar shot out from somewhere and wrapped itself around his neck, choking out a strangled noise from him. It's ice-cold metal was so freezing it burned him, and he clawed at it as its chain yanked him backwards. He reached out a hand, one last ditch effort, but it was in vain. They all looked away, and he couldn't help but feel like that hurt worse than anything else so far. The chain dragged him down a hallway, scraping his back and hands—he could feel the friction burns being scrubbed painfully over and over again._  
  
 ** _(H o p e l e s s)_**  
  
 _The chain pulled him into a barrel, and something slammed it shut. He was hyperventilating, chest rising and falling rapidly, the tight space panicking him further, and before long he could barely breathe. It was sweltering inside the barrel, making him feel light-headed._  
  
 _Everything was deathly quiet, and he sat with his limbs tangled and cramped up. He didn't know how long he sat in there, the only noise being the sound of his heart beating against his rib cage and the sound of his panicked breathing._  
  
 _Suddenly, he heard a sharp " **shnng** " and his world exploded with agony, vision going white before coming into sluggish focus. There was a blade embedded in his thigh, spilling so much blood that is soaked through his jeans and created a puddle at the bottom of the barrel. He let out a scream before another blade stabbed through the barrel and into his arm._  
  
 _The smell of iron hung thick and heavy in the air, quickly filling the small space, and making him gag. He sobbed hoarsely as his thigh and arm throbbed, the pain feeling like a thousand red-hot needles pricking him. Another blade came, stabbing through his foot. Then another, and another, and another. He let out cry after cry after cry, every little movement shooting a wave of fire through his veins._  
  
 _The pain increased tenfold, rendering him unable to make a sound in return. Breathing began to hurt, his chest faintly rising and falling, a blanket of quiet pressing down on his ears harshly. A steady headache bloomed, spiking up in pain with every jerky movement. His vision began darkening when there was a final blade thrust through his chest—_  
  
"—aaaAAAAAAAAH"  
  
Makoto woke up screaming. He thrashed on the bed, sheets twisting around his limbs and he panicked. He was hyperventilating, face and hands numb, legs feeling weak. Makoto fell off the bed in a heap, and he laid there for a few minutes to try to calm down, dry sobs wracking his body. Eventually, his senses came crashing down on him, and the room swam into focus.  
  
It was a dream. It was just a dream. That's it. He was alive, he wasn't dead, he was in the Future Foundation headquarters and his friends were sleeping in their rooms. It was just a dream. He repeated that mantra in his head over and over again. Or was he saying it out loud? Makoto couldn't really tell in this state.  
  
Still panting harshly, he got up and staggered to the bathroom. He turned on the lights and cringed as they burned his eyes. Clutching at his head, he hissed—his head was still pounding. He splashed some cold water in his face, hoping to calm himself down. He looked into the mirror and stopped.  
  
He looked **(pathetic)** like a mess. His hair was sticking up in all directions, eyes red and puffy, and there were dried tear tracks on his cheeks. Makoto was deathly pale, and he could feel his dinner roiling in his stomach. Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself on the floor, clinging to the toilet, throwing up. Even after he emptied his stomach, he dry heaved, his throat burning fiercely with the action.  
  
Makoto flushed the toilet with a trembling hand, and he slumped onto the floor, resting his heated cheeks against the cool floor. He rested for a few minutes, letting himself catch his breath and still his racing heart. Before long he stood up on shaky legs, turning the lights off and closing the door to the bathroom.  
  
Looking at the clock in his room, he let out a sigh.  
  
3:45 AM.  
  
Head still hurting, Makoto grabbed his pillow and blanket and began heading to the lounge. Maybe it's because he still wasn't thinking clearly, or maybe it's because he didn't want to be alone in his room. Either way, Makoto found himself walking down the hallway and into the lounge. What he saw there, however, once again made him stop in his tracks.  
  
Togami was asleep on one end of the couches in a sitting position, a blanket draped around him. Across from him, on the other couch, were Kirigiri and Asahina. Kirigiri was in a similar position, except Asahina's head was resting on Kirigiri's shoulder. Both were sharing a blanket.  
  
Silently, Makoto made his way to the other end of Togami's couch. He slowly set his pillow on the couch, sitting down and curling up under his blanket. Right before Makoto fell asleep, he heard the sound of somebody's door opening, quiet footsteps approaching the lounge. Guess he wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping, huh? A bittersweet grimace graced his face as he finally drifted off into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely love Makoto's fanmade execution, that shit sounds hella cool but also hella terrifying, so I HAD to include it. Also, once again, did y'all like the therapy session? I really liked writing it, and I included more session in the outline I wrote, but if y'all ain't fans of it then I'd probably want to cut down on them in the future  
> Please feel free to leave kudos if y'all want! Comments are lovely as well <3


	4. It's A Pot Of Gold In A Garbage Can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, writing the title of this chapter: now they HAVE to know that im using song lyrics for the titles (bonus points for anyone who can guess the songs)  
> in other news, oof this chapter had to be ripped out of me, idk why i struggled so much to write it (actually, I do know why, it's bc I have no idea how to write Toko and Jill)  
> Trigger warnings for blood here in the beginning and panic attacks!

_He stood alone in a endless white room. It was completely silent. He took a step forward and heard the splashing of a liquid._  
  
_The floor was covered in a thin layer of blood._  
  
_He stared at the floor, horror rooting him in place. In the distance he saw a crumpled form on the ground and it startled him out of his frozen state. He ran towards it, the sickening splash of blood following after his footsteps, staining his shoes and jeans._  
  
_When he finally reached the form he let out a gasp. A blue-haired girl was laying on the floor, blood pouring out from a knife wound in her chest. He fell to his knees, numb._  
  
_When he noticed another body up ahead, he gripped his hair and pulled, hard. Anything to replace the sheer hollowness in his chest. Stumbling slightly, he got up and walked to the body. All that he saw were the beaten and bruised remains of a fiery red-head. His face was caved in, bits of tissue and bone poking through. He moved on._  
  
_The blood on the floor reached his ankles now._  
  
_One by one, step by step, he felt nothing as he passed by and saw their bodies. The blood on the floor kept rising and rising, almost as if it was trying to fill the empty space inside him. He wished it would._  
  
_The blood was at his chest now. He had nowhere else to go, so he simply stood in the sea of sickeningly bright red. Something tapped his shoulder, and when he turned to look he was met face to face with a girl drenched in red, eyes pitch black, her two pigtails weighed down by the blood. Her grin was ugly and wild, flooding a muddled version of ice-cold fear through his system. She took a sharp fingernail and traced it down his cheek in a loving manner. He felt a vague feeling of disgust before it flickered out._  
  
_He watched numbly as she gripped his wrist tightly, digging her nails in until they broke skin. His own blood dribbled down his palm lethargically. The pig-tailed girl giggled lightly. She grabbed his other wrist and then pulled him down under the sea of blood. The blood steadily filled his lungs, and he closed his eyes, slowly but surely feeling his air being cut off..._  
  
...  
  
......  
  
.........  
  
"—OW!"  
  
Letting out a gasp, Makoto opened his eyes to be met with pitch black darkness. He shot up into a sitting position. There was a brief moment of panic, head filled with thoughts of _blood blood blood, so much blood_ until he remembered where he was. He was in the lounge, and if he remembered correctly everyone else was probably scattered around as well. Something brushed against his arm and he let out a yelp.  
  
"AH! W-WHO'S TH-THERE?!"  
  
Makoto's heart leapt into his throat as a high-pitch voice screeched out. Why wasn't anyone turning the lights on?!  
  
"Dude, could you _puh-lease_ not scream at me?"  
  
"W-what's going on?!"  
  
"Hina, relax, I think Fukawa just hit her head," someone said softly.  
  
A voice spoke up, coming from Makoto's right side, and making him squeak in surprise.  
  
"Is turning on the lights that difficult for you idiots?"  
  
There was a small pause before a light _flick_ was heard, followed by the lights flooding the room. Makoto squinted as his vision adjusted. Kirigiri and Asahina were sitting on the couch across from him, Asahina wrapped up in a blanket with only her face peeking out. Kirigiri's hair was ruffled up, her signature single braid coming undone.  
  
Hagakure had seemed to claim the loveseat, and he had his blanket covering his legs. Fukawa, on the other hand, had created a nest of blankets and pillows under the round table, and she was rubbing the top of her head. Shifting his eyes, Makoto's gaze landed on Togami, who was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and looking _way_ more put together than the rest of them.  
  
_That's so unfair, what the heck._  
  
Makoto ran a hand through his hair. He shivered as the dream resurfaced in his mind. He tugged lightly on his hair. "What time is it?"  
  
Togami looked at his wrist. "It's six-thirty am." He walked away from the switch and went to go sit back at the couch Makoto was at. Just as he suspected, Togami sat on the other end of the couch, leaving a huge gap between the two of them. Inwardly, Makoto sighed. Did Togami dislike him that much?  
  
No, he couldn't, not after the helicopter ride. So then, maybe Togami was just...? Yeah no, Makoto had no idea why Togami was acting the way that he was. That just made Makoto more curious though. Why was the blond being nice one minute, and then being rude the other? Not only that, but the blond had also been acting strangely lately, especially whenever they were in the elevator. With that thought in mind, Makoto made sure to hangout with Togami later in the day, even if he resisted. Just to make sure he was okay.  
  
He found his gaze drawn to Togami's wrist watch and remembered what he'd said. "Wait, it's only six-thirty?!"  
  
Makoto groaned, albeit very dramatically, and flopped backwards. He misjudged however, and smacked his head against the armrest.  
  
"AH! Ow ow owww..." He whined, rubbing the back of his head. Despite the pain, Makoto had noticed that Togami had flinched when he'd hit his head, his hand stretching out towards Makoto for a split second before retreating just as fast.  
  
He closed his eyes, the back of his head still throbbing, and he heard shuffling coming from the other end of the couch. Opening his eyes, Makoto saw that Togami wasn't there anymore.  
  
"Oh my gosh, Naegi are you okay?" Asahina looked worried, but it was offset by the mirth in her eyes.  
  
"Do you want me to get you an ice pack or pain killers?" Kirigiri asked.  
  
"'M fine, don't worry 'bout it," Makoto said, shooting her a lazy smile. He was, in fact, not fine. Now that he was a bit more awake, he remembered the nightmare he'd had earlier in the night. He unconsciously moved a hand to his chest, checking to make sure that there wasn't a gaping hole in it. His arms and legs tingled, phantom pain making them almost sting.  
  
And then he'd woken up screaming his head off. If no one was talking about the screaming, did that mean that nobody heard him? The people most likely to have asked him something if they _had_ heard were Kirigiri and Asahina, but they were now conversing quietly between themselves. Hagakure had gone back to sleep, and Fukawa was reading a book. If nobody was saying anything, then the only logical conclusion was that the rooms were soundproof.  
  
That made an uncomfortable feeling blossom in his heart. At least that meant that no one would hear anything in the future. Good.  
  
Then there was the most recent nightmare he had, and Makoto shuddered. He knew that sooner or later he'd have a dream involving _her_ , but...not like that. That had been nothing short of horrifying, and Makoto wrapped his arms around himself. He stilled as the action just made his discomfort grow and head pound harder. He really wished he had some pain killers or something.  
  
Togami finally reappeared—he'd gone to his room apparently, and was carrying a small pack in his hand. Why was he carrying that around? Makoto had his question answered when Togami sat down and turned to him. He held out the pack, which as Makoto looked closer was actually an _ice pack_ , and motioned for Makoto to take it, a bored look in his eyes.  
  
Tentatively, he took the ice pack from Togami and looked at it more closely.  
  
"Ice packs are for treating head aches, not for looking Naegi. Or are you so unintelligent that you can't comprehend that?" Togami muttered quietly, arms crossed over his chest.  
  
Oh. So that's why Togami was giving him the ice pack. Choosing to ignore the obvious jab at him, Makoto beamed at Togami and thanked him. Strangely enough, Togami stiffened before looking away and huffing. Well okay then.  
  
Gingerly Makoto placed the ice pack on the back of his head and he let out a sigh. The cold seeped into his head, dulling the pain wonderfully, so much so that Makoto realized he'd closed his eyes at some point. At this rate he'd probably fall back asleep, and the idea sounded great in theory, but all it took was his most recent nightmare replaying in the back of his mind for him to scratch the idea.  
  
So instead he turned to Asahina and Kirigiri.  
  
"Hey, quick question, when did you guys come into the lounge last night?"  
  
Asahina smiled sheepishly while Kirigiri glanced at her smugly.  
  
"Oh, I uh... didn't want to sleep in the room by myself, so I asked Kiri to stay with me in the lounge for a bit. I must've fallen asleep at some point though."  
  
Makoto raised an eyebrow. "'Kiri'?"  
  
Kirigiri's face was impassive for a moment before breaking into a light smile. Asahina on the other hand, flushed a warm pink.  
  
"Well Naegi, what about you? Hina fell asleep around eleven-thirty or so, and you were definitely not there, so at what time did you get here, exactly?"  
  
Makoto winced as the pain in his head flared up again. "Ah, I came in here around three-forty-five ish. I couldn't—" he hesitated slightly, "I couldn't sleep. Like, fall asleep, and I didn't want to just stay in my room until breakfast."  
  
Well, Makoto wasn't technically lying. He couldn't sleep, that much was true, but he didn't want to talk about his nightmares with _everyone_ in the room. He was fine, he could handle it.  
  
He turned to Togami, who was now reading a book. Was it the same one from yesterday? He noted the title: _Rebecca_. He filed that information away for later.  
  
"And you Togami?"  
  
Togami gave him an skeptical look. "What."  
  
Makoto huffed, but repeated his question determinedly. "When did you come into the lounge?"  
  
"Why should I bother answering? Does it matter?" Togami muttered, going back to his book.  
  
"I guess it technically doesn't matter, but I just wanted to know."  
  
"Guess." Togami continued reading his book, as if expecting Makoto to not answer. He decided to answer anyway.  
  
"Well, I know it was before three-forty-five, because when I got here you were already asleep on the couch. And it was after eleven-thirty since Kirigiri didn't mention you being here. So I'm going to guess...three o'clock?" Makoto said.  
  
He knew he had to have annoyed Togami based on his grip on the book hardening, and he felt the tiniest bit satisfied when Togami glared at him before saying, "Fine. You're correct. I got here at three."  
  
Well then. That was one way to get Togami to talk. Just annoy him until he gets fed up. Makoto wondered why it seemed to work for him, but not for someone like Fukawa or Hagakure.  
  
Turning back to Kirigiri and Asahina, he began chatting with them to pass the time, since breakfast didn't start until eight. After about an hour everyone seemed to go back to their rooms to get ready for the day. Makoto followed the same routine from the day before, and waited for the others in the lounge.  
  
Togami was the first one to reappear, immediately heading to the door, but Makoto called out to him before he could.  
  
"Togami, wait!"  
  
Togami turned to give him an annoyed glance. "What do you want."  
  
Taking a small breath, Makoto looked straight at Togami. "Do you want to come eat breakfast with the rest of us? You didn't do it yesterday but...I'd—uh we'd be glad if you came." He smiled awkwardly, shifting uncomfortably as Togami stared at him for a long time, his expression indecipherable.  
  
"Are you going to continue asking this of me every time I fail to show up?"  
  
In a rare display of confidence, or maybe stupidity, Makoto's smile turned cheeky. "Yeah, pretty much."  
  
Togami's eyes widened the tiniest bit, and then quickly looked away, his face settling into a neutral expression. "Fine, if it will get you to stop bothering me."  
  
Makoto nodded, pleased with the result. He was determined to become Togami's friend, even if the blond kept saying that he didn't want any.  
  
By the time everyone else showed up, Makoto was brimming with a weird combination of sleepiness and nervous energy. He was extremely tired, feeling like he'd barely slept at, but at the same time wanting to go somewhere and do something, _anything_. So with that in mind, he walked to the cafeteria faster than the day before.  
  
Breakfast had been a quiet affair, which did nothing to alleviate Makoto's restlessness. It just served to make him sleepier, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He had talked a bit with Kirigiri and he even managed to get Togami to say a few things here and there (granted, most of the things he'd said had been "what do you want" and "leave me alone" but Makoto would take what he could get). They'd all left at different times, with Makoto being the last one to leave.  
  
Somehow though, they'd all managed to gather back outside after breakfast. Even Togami, who had been the last person to arrive back at the courtyard, had looked surprised when he saw all of them there. He had also looked annoyed right after, but he had still sat down at a small table to read.  
  
Kirigiri and Asahina were chatting by the water fountain, and Hagakure was sitting under a tree and talking to...Fukawa? Makoto did a double take at that, but looking closer he realized that it wasn't Fukawa, but Genocide Jill. That...was even stranger. His curiosity now thoroughly peaked, Makoto made his over to the duo.  
  
Hagakure seemed to be faking intrigue at whatever Jill was rambling about, but Makoto could tell he was slightly terrified. When he made it within hearing distance of the two, what he heard made him choke.  
  
"And that's why when someone stabs you, you don't take the knife out!"  
  
Makoto blanched. "Whoa, okay, I don't know what I was expecting you two to be taking about, but that certainly wasn't it."  
  
"N-Naegi, my dude, what's up?" Hagakure said nervously, scooting towards Makoto.  
  
"Nothing really, I just came over here cuz—"  
  
"Oh? Were you so enchanted by me that you decided to pursue me at the first chance you got? Well, sorry to burst your bubble but you're not really my type, kyahahaha!" Jill threw her head back and cackled.  
  
Chuckling awkwardly, Makoto sat down next to Hagakure. "Actually, I just had a question."  
  
"You just had a question? Well well well, if that's all you wanted then fire away Big Mac!"  
  
Makoto wondered if Jill would take offense to his question, but then again it's Jill he was talking to, so... "Um, why are you here? Did you sneeze after breakfast or something?"  
  
Jill was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment before breaking into a wild grin, eyes glinting with an indecipherable emotion.  
  
"Hmm? Was that it? That doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm here now, gracing you with my presence!"  
  
Hmm. That was weird. He guessed that Jill didn't want to talk about it then. Makoto decided to drop it for now. "So, what were you guys talking about?"  
  
"N-nothing! Don't worry about it!" Hagakure nudged Makoto a bit forcefully, and while Makoto got the hint, it seemed Jill didn't notice or didn't care.  
  
She proceeded to educate Makoto energetically on the basics of stabbing people, with Makoto feeling more and more uncomfortable by the minute. He shivered, almost feeling blades piercing skin. Somehow though, both Hagakure and Makoto managed to make their escape after a couple of minutes.  
  
Shaking his head, Makoto decided to go see how Kirigiri and Asahina were doing.  
  
"Hey Naegi! What's up?" Asahina asked.  
  
"I was just wandering around, I'm kinda bored at the moment."  
  
"You're bored?" Kirigiri raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Ah, yeah..." Makoto scratched his cheek sheepishly. Kirigiri studied him for a few moments before she suddenly asked, "Did you have any more dreams?"  
  
Makoto froze for a second. Why was she...? "I did, but it wasn't too bad." He scratched his cheek. The lie tasted bitter on his tongue.  
  
Asahina looked back forth between Kirigiri and Makoto curiously before scooting to the side and patting the space between her and Kirigiri. Makoto shot her a grateful smile and sat down.  
  
"Naegi."  
  
Makoto tensed up the tiniest bit, but that was enough for Kirigiri to notice. She narrowed her eyes, arms crossed, and Makoto suddenly felt like he was in the middle of an interrogation.  
  
"What was your dream about? Please, don't feel like you have to leave things out, we've got plenty of time to spare."  
  
Makoto winced internally. He forgot how forward Kirigiri could be. This definitely wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.  
  
He sighed. Well, it's not as if Kirigiri knew he had two...dreams? Nightmares? Definitely nightmares actually, Makoto wasn't an idiot. Nonetheless, Kirigiri didn't know he had _two_ nightmares last night, so if he only talked about the latest one, she would drop the topic, right? Might as rip off the band-aid then. He took a deep breath.  
  
"I had a dream about everyone. Everyone who died. I saw—I saw them again, a-and I saw _her_ and there was—there was...blood... everywhere..." Makoto's voice cracked and softened to a whisper. His hands trembled ever so slightly in his lap. Kirigiri placed a gloved hand over his own and squeezed gently.  
  
"I'm not...very good at comforting others. It's not exactly my forte. However, if you ever just need someone that will listen to you, then please know that I'm here for you Naegi. You're my friend. Okay?" Kirigiri said softly.  
  
"Yeah, we'll always be here for you! Besides, like I said before, you're not the only one who's having bad dreams. It's nothing to be ashamed of silly," Asahina added just as softly, her tone comforting.  
  
Makoto felt a wave of guilt slam into his body. He nodded, suddenly wanting to curl up and cry. God, he was really something else, huh. Everyone was already dealing with so much yet here he was making his friends worry about him. He bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted copper, and he flinched a little as the blood landed on his tongue. For a split second all he could think of was the _thick scent iron, a bunch of spears piercing his legs and arms and chest,_ and he wanted to throw up all over again. Instead he gave both his friends a weak smile and excused himself.  
  
He quickly walked back into the building, heart pounding harshly, harsh enough that Makoto wouldn't be surprised if it left internal bruising. The hallways and lights inside the building blurred by, and he distantly realized he was wandering around. He had no idea where he was going, only that he needed to be somewhere alone and quiet. He reached an elevator and without thinking he stepped inside as soon as it opened. He got off at the first stop it made, continuing to rush through the halls.  
  
At some point he found himself on the tenth floor's library. Thankfully it was empty. Makoto let out a long sigh, but it came out sounding like a sob, and he slid down the door and onto the floor. He brought his knees up and hugged them to his chest. He stayed in that position for a couple of minutes, just letting himself breathe.  
  
But it wasn't working. His breaths were coming in faster and faster. He swallowed dryly and choked. That served to make him panic even further. Why couldn't he breathe? /Why couldn't he breathe? He let out another sob, feeling his cheeks grow wet, and all of a sudden it all felt way too close to his dream. He balled his shaking hands into fists, running his thumb between his fingers.  
  
He drew in one ragged breath after another. In and out, in and out. He repeated that pattern for a while until finally, _finally_ , his breathing returned to a somewhat normal level. He let out one final breath and practically slumped further down the door. If he wasn't already tired before, then now Makoto was convinced he would definitely pass out here if he didn't get up soon.  
  
Eventually he stood up, wiping away the stray tears on his cheeks, and took in his surroundings. The library was bathed in golden lighting, the walls a soft yellow, once more plants decorating the place. There were tables scattered everywhere, and the shelves seemed to reach the ceiling. He spotted a ladder or two leaning against the walls.  
  
He approached one of the book shelves, running his fingers across the spines of the books. The different textures were soothing to him— leather bound books, paperback, and hardcovers. He picked a book at random, it's bright red cover catching his attention. Gee, he wondered why.  
  
_The Devotion of Suspect X_... The title looked interesting enough. Reading the summary he realized it was a mystery novel. An idea suddenly struck him. Maybe he could read with Togami? He did make it his goal to hangout and befriend him after all. He wouldn't be bothering the blond that way, not necessarily at least, so Togami technically couldn't complain. With his mind made up, Makoto took the book with him and began heading back outside.  
  
He left the library and took the elevator all the way down to the first floor. It was a miracle that no one had entered the library, and that no one had been in the elevator. His luck must've been on his side today. Would it last enough for Makoto to hangout with Togami without any interruptions?  
  
Stepping outside, he realized Kirigiri and Asahina were no longer at the water fountain, in fact they weren't in the courtyard at all. They must've had something else to do then. He also noticed Jill and Hagakure weren't there either. Which meant that it was just Togami sitting in the courtyard. This...was going to be difficult, wasn't it? Well, even if it was difficult, he wasn't going to give up! Steeling himself, he stepped into the courtyard, casually walking up to Togami's table, and sitting down.  
  
He flipped open the book's cover and began reading. Or, he tried to, at least. Makoto was acutely aware of Togami's gaze on him, the feeling similar to pricking oneself on thorns, making it hard to concentrate on the words in the book. Was he looking at him because he could tell Makoto had been crying? He didn't think he'd cried hard enough for it to show up on his face. Or did he? Paranoia slowly started creeping through his body. Makoto shivered. Surprisingly, Togami was the first one to break the silence.  
  
"What are you doing."  
  
Makoto blinked. Oh. Oh thank god. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm reading?"  
  
Togami clicked his tongue. "I can see that, I meant what are you doing _here_."  
  
Makoto weighed the pros and cons between being honest and making an excuse. Realistically though, there really was no other way to explain why he chose to sit with Togami specifically. "I wanted to hangout with you."  
  
Togami's face was emotionless for a moment before morphing into a scowl. Yeah, this was definitely going to be difficult.  
  
"And what makes you think I'd want to be around you? Haven't I already mentioned that I don't like to be bothered?"  
  
Makoto felt equal parts hurt and frustrated. How could he get through to Togami? In the end, his frustration ended up winning. "That's why I wasn't trying to talk to you! Because I didn't want to bother you! Besides, all I was doing was reading," Makoto huffed.  
  
"Well you're bothering me now, so go away," Togami hissed.  
  
Makoto gripped his book harder. He could either back down and leave Togami alone, or...before he knew what he was doing, he was firing back at Togami.  
  
"You were the one that started talking!"  
  
"Because you were the one who decided to sit at my table."  
  
Makoto stared at Togami, incredulous. "Oh my—I sat...at your table...because I wanted...to _hangout with you_ ," Makoto said slowly.  
  
Togami glared at him, offended. "Why."  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why did you want to " _hangout_ " with me? You have friends, no? Why did you not just stay with Kirigiri and Asahina?"  
  
Makoto rolled his eyes. "You're my friend too, you know. Even if you don't consider _me_ a friend, I consider _you_ my friend."  
  
He'd said this before, hadn't he? Why was Togami so insistent on the fact that they weren't friends? "And I like to spend time with my friends. Therefore, I like— I uh...I like spending time with you." Damn, he sounded kind of desperate there. Makoto cringed.  
  
"You consider me a friend," Togami paused, a weird look in his eyes that Makoto couldn't place, "How much of an idiot are you?"  
  
Makoto spluttered. "Wha—really? You do realize that I'm not going to go away just because you insulted me, right?"  
  
Togami remained silent for a few seconds, almost studying Makoto. "You're like a stubborn little cockroach, aren't you?" Togami said, sighing. Makoto opened his mouth to retort, but stopped when he processed the words. Togami had told him that when he had come back from the trash room, hadn't he? His thoughts must've shown on his face because he saw Togami smirk for the briefest of seconds.  
  
Makoto blinked. Did—did he actually manage to get through to Togami? A swirl of emotions settled in his chest, mixing together, but most of all Makoto felt a bit relieved. He let a hesitant smile grace his face in return. "I guess I am," he said.  
  
They settled into a tentative, yet comfortable, silence, reading their respective books. Luckily for Makoto, the book he picked out was pretty interesting. He was so engrossed in his book that he didn't notice Togami closing his own and standing up until Togami cleared his throat.  
  
"Naegi."  
  
Makoto jerked his head up. "Hmm?"  
  
"Lunch just started."  
  
"Oh, okay." Makoto turned back to his book. Togami probably wanted to eat lunch alone. He could go get lunch a little while later with Kirigiri and the others. For now he'd read one or two more chapters.  
  
"I'm not going to repeat myself."  
  
Makoto looked back at Togami, dumbfounded. "I... what?"  
  
"Oh for—are you coming to lunch or not?"  
  
Makoto blinked. Oh. _Oh_. He beamed. "Oh, y-yeah I'm coming. Give me a sec!" He scrambled to close his book and stand up while Togami (stiffened?) and rolled his eyes.  
  
He walked alongside Togami to the cafeteria. The silence remained, but Makoto didn't mind. The cafeteria was less crowded than the day before. They must've been really early. Maybe that's how Togami had avoided them before.  
  
As they both got in line, Makoto realized that their table was empty—they really were early if the others hadn't arrived yet. So that meant it was just going to be him and Togami at the table. That made a weird, nervous feeling bubble up within Makoto. Were they just going to eat in silence? That would be so awkward though...  
  
He had no idea if it was just him feeling this way, or if Togami shared the same sentiment, but Makoto could've sworn the atmosphere slowly morphed into awkwardness the closer they got to the table.  
  
He sat down across from Togami, and they ate in complete and utter silence for all of about thirty seconds before Makoto opened his mouth to speak. Why was he acting so impulsive with the blond all of a sudden?  
  
"So what was your book about?"  
  
Togami paused and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"U-um, I was just wondering since I saw that you were reading it yesterday too. It uh...looks interesting? It's called Rebecca, right?" Makoto mumbled.  
  
"Yes, and I suppose it is 'interesting'," Togami said lightly.  
  
Makoto groaned internally. It was never easy with Togami, was it. "...S-so what's it about?"  
  
"It's a mystery novel about a widower's late wife."  
  
"Oh, you're reading a mystery novel too? That's pretty cool!" Makoto said, maybe a bit too enthusiastically based on Togami's scoff.  
  
There was a brief moment of quiet between the two, wherein Makoto figured that maybe he'd pushed Togami's buttons one too many times. So Makoto decided to drop the topic and continue eating rather than trying to strike up a conversation. Somehow though, that didn't end up happening.  
  
"The Devotion of Suspect X is a good book. Are you liking it so far?" Togami asked.  
  
Makoto let out a silent breath of relief. Okay, good, he hadn't actually annoyed Togami into silence. "Yeah! It was actually pretty hard to put down. I can't remember the last time I got _that_ into a book," he mused.  
  
"Well, it appears you have somewhat good taste. That's surprising," Togami deadpanned.  
  
Makoto shot Togami a sarcastic smile. "Gee, thanks,"  
  
"So you've read The Devotion of Suspect X before?" Makoto asked.  
  
In all honesty, it felt like their conversation was going in circles, but he couldn't come up with anything better to talk about. Talking with Togami had already been difficult when they were...in the school, but now it felt like it was near impossible.  
  
Togami smirked. "I have. I was pleasantly surprised when I read it. The ending could have been better though."  
  
Makoto hummed. "Really? Now you have to give me a hint."  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Togami looked confused, and Makoto had a hard time placing the emotion it made him feel.  
  
"Yeah, now that you said that about the ending you've got to give me a hint. It's only fair," Makoto grinned lightly.  
  
"How could I possibly give you a hint? You already know who committed the crime," Togami huffed.  
  
"That's not what I meant. You talked about the ending, so now you have to give me a hint about how the book ends. Do they get caught or..." Makoto said, a teasing tilt to his voice.  
  
Togami once more seemed to study Makoto before responding. "No, I'm not telling you. That ruins the integrity of the book."  
  
"Aww, c'mon Togami, please?" Makoto cringed internally. What had gotten into him?! This was the complete opposite of how he wanted to interact with Togami. At least Togami didn't seem _too_ bothered by him.  
  
"If you want to know how it ends just continue reading it."  
  
"You're no fun." Makoto stuck his tongue out at Togami. Immediately Makoto was horrified with himself, but when Togami looked stunned for a moment, that was enough for the feeling to be overrun. Instead, Makoto started laughing. When Togami morphed from looking stunned to looking offended it made Makoto laugh even more.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Makoto just smiled in return and continued eating. Soon enough they finished breakfast and parted ways, with Makoto going back to the lounge to drop off his book. Maybe he'd run into Kirigiri or Hina again, and he could hangout with them instead.  
  
Either way, he decided to count his interaction with Togami as successful. Spending time with him had been nice. It had been strangely calming in a way. Togami didn't seem like the type of person to pry into other people's business, which was why he didn't question Makoto when Makoto knew he'd probably looked like a mess, and for that he'd been extremely grateful.  
  
Or maybe it's just that Togami didn't care? Makoto felt like that wasn't it though. Togami had gotten him the ice pack earlier that day, so Togami definitely cared on _some_ level.  
  
It was nice to just spend time with someone else in peace and quiet. Just being around another person, no words having to be exchanged, nothing but peace and quiet. Makoto hoped that Togami would let him join him at his table to read more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that Makoto and Byakuya hanging out makes up A FOURTH OF THIS CHAPTER SLKJFNLKSNFKSJL i really like writing their interactions, especially at this stage in their sorta half-baked friendship. They'll get there eventually, don't worry :D  
> In other news, I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!


	5. Chapter 4: Nobody's Sure If All This Goes Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled so freaking hard to write this chapter oml, and then on top of that this chapter refused to follow the outline I had planned ljdfklsdnapifj.  
> This therapy session was really hard to write, I literally spent hours just trying to come up with the memories that they shared with each other, but at least it's good practice for writing them all in-character so...  
> Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy!

"Good afternoon you guys! C'mon in, make yourselves comfortable." Mochida gave them all a friendly grin, stepping aside to let the survivors in.  
  
Makoto returned the grin with a shy smile and trailed in after his friends. After hanging out with Togami he'd ended up running into Hagakure. Somehow he'd been roped into trying out fortune telling with him. Makoto had been completely clueless as he'd tried to follow along with what Hagakure had said. In the end he'd given up and started guessing events randomly. Maybe relying on his luck had been a little bit unfair, but the expression on Hagakure's face as he watched Makoto somehow always being correct while his own predictions had been wrong had been absolutely worth it. It had been really fun, actually. Remembering the crazy predictions Hagakure made had Makoto smiling lightly.  
  
Soon enough though they'd both started making their way up to the seventh floor for the therapy session, meeting up with everyone else along the way. It had been a bit awkward running into Kirigiri and Asahina, both of them looking really worried when they spotted him, and Makoto knew exactly why. Rushing to disappear into the building while he'd been clearly close to tears probably hadn't calmed down their worries.  
  
Somehow though, Makoto had managed to convince them that he was fine, and really, he was now! That hadn't stopped him from feeling slightly guilty though, as he forced a bit too much enthusiasm into his voice as he chatted with them. Whatever it took to take their worries away, he supposed.  
  
Sitting down in the same seat at the circle, Makoto once again felt a nervous energy scatter throughout his body, but this time it was a good type of nervous. So what if he was a little bit excited? There wasn't anything wrong with that, right? Looking to the side, Makoto noticed Togami staring at the sunflower painting hanging on the wall. He hoped that Togami would be less hostile during this session. Makoto really wanted to learn more about his friends, and after today he deemed Togami to be a part of that group.  
  
"Alrighty then, let's get started. How about we begin by talking about our day? Or yesterday, if you did anything after the session."  
  
Hagakure lit up immediately. "Oh! Earlier today me and Naegi were trying to predict the futures about the people walking around in the cafeteria. Naegi got some predictions right, which wasn't _too_ bad for a rookie."  
  
"Hey! I seem to remember getting _every_ prediction right," Makoto protested, a playful grin dancing on his face.  
  
Hagakure pouted. "Aw dude! You're making me look bad..." Makoto stuck his tongue out at Hagakure who retaliated in the same fashion.  
  
Asahina laughed teasingly. "Wow Hagakure, guess Naegi beats your 'right thirty percent of the time' rate huh?"  
  
"Both of you are utter children," Togami muttered under his breath, but because he was seated right next to him, Makoto ended up overhearing him. He sighed in response. Maybe thinking Togami wouldn't be hostile during the session was asking too much.  
  
"Me and Kiri went for a walk outside today! I wanted to start exercising again, but I didn't want to leave her alone, so we decided to just walk around the outside of the building. Did you know that the island this building is on is connected to a bunch of smaller islands? It's actually pretty cool," Asahina said energetically.  
  
"This place is connected to other places?" Hagakure asked.  
  
Mochida nodded. "Yeah, actually! Sometimes our missions call for a more stealthy approach of getting to the heart of the city, so we have underground passages on those islands that connect to different stations around the city."  
  
"Is everybody allowed to use these passages, or are they only used during missions?"  
  
Makoto supposed that Togami brought up a good point. However, as interesting as this topic was, weren't they getting a little sidetracked?  
  
Mochida waves his hands around. "Okay, okay, we're getting a bit off topic here. I'll answer this question and then we go back to how our day's been, okay? Yes, everybody is allowed to use the passages, but there's a sheet you need to sign so we can keep track of everyone. On top of that, everyone has to be back by twelve in the morning unless for a mission. Okay! Moving on, Kirigiri? How has your day been today?"  
  
"It was quite alright. I didn't really do much besides walk around with Asahina. The gardens around the island are nice though. They have lots of different types of flowers," she turned to Makoto, "You should check them out Naegi. I'm sure you'd enjoy it."  
  
Makoto was confused for a split second before remembering that he'd said he liked flowers yesterday. He felt his face grow warm, and he smiled awkwardly. "Ah, right. I'll be sure to check it out sometime."  
  
Mochida nodded. "Naegi? What about you?"  
  
Makoto blinked. Right. He glanced at Togami for a split second, wondering if Togami would feel embarrassed if Makoto talked about hanging out with him. While Makoto had no qualms about telling everyone, he wasn't so sure about the blond. In the end, he decided not to mention it.  
  
"I just sorta read? I went to the library on the tenth floor and I found this really cool mystery book. I spent the majority of the morning just reading it. I liked it because it's from the culprit's point of view. After that I ran into Hagakure and, well, you know how that went." Makoto shot another smug grin at Hagakure, who stuck his tongue out again.  
  
Togami clicked his tongue in annoyance as everyone else turned to look at him. "I read."  
  
There was an awkward pause before Mochida sighed. "...Is that it? You didn't do anything else?"  
  
Togami paused minutely before giving Mochida a simple "No."  
  
Even so, Makoto felt a strange sort of elation at that. He pursed his lips and pushed the feeling down.  
  
"And you Fukawa?"  
  
"...I s-started writing in th-this journal I f-found. It's actually r-really pretty. It's got s-some charms attached t-to it. I w-wanted to write down s-some ideas for novels, s-so..." Fukawa paused, seemingly wanting to add more, but in the end she simply said, "Th-that's all I d-did today."  
  
Makoto wondered why Fukawa didn't bring up Genocide Jill taking over, but after giving it some thought he realized she probably felt uncomfortable. Maybe he should check in with her later?  
  
"Okay, that's great! I'm glad all of you seemed to have a good day. So, last time we left off on talking about our families. Building off of that to get more comfortable with each other, how about we talk about our childhoods, yeah? You can talk about... let's say any memory from when you were a kid that really impacted you, or left an impression on you. You can choose anything from your first memory up until before you all entered..." Mochida paused, a calculating expression clouding his eyes for a moment.  
  
"Up until before you all got _accepted_ into Hope's Peak. You can mention anything you want. Bonus points if you feel comfortable enough to talk about why you chose that memory."  
  
The mention of Hope's Peak made Makoto tense up immediately, and judging by everyone else's expressions, he wasn't the only one who reacted in a similar fashion. A very terse silence overcame them as they all lost themselves to their thoughts.  
  
Hope's Peak Academy. Makoto hated the fact that all of his memories associated with that place were of his friends being pushed to the brink of _killing_ each other mercilessly, and being forced to watch helplessly as they died horrible deaths. Thinking about it all over again made a sob build up in his throat.  
  
He grit his teeth and swallowed back the cry roughly. Maybe...maybe talking about it now was a good idea. After all, they were at a therapy session, if anything Makoto _should_ talk about his feelings. God knows how much everything was taking a toll on him.  
  
But when he tried to build up the courage to talk...he couldn't. The words caught in his throat, refusing to budge. No, he definitely couldn't. Not now at least. He refused to bring the mood down even further. He couldn't do that to his friends. Not now, not ever, so with that in mind Makoto once more found himself rummaging through his memories. He glanced over at everyone, noting the distant looks in their eyes. His heart ached at their expressions. Frowning, he decided to try and find a light-hearted memory, or at least something that would make everyone smile. It was the least he could do.  
  
"Would anybody like to share? Or do you need a bit more time?" Mochida asked softly, smiling gently at everyone.  
  
"...Nah, I think we're good, or at least I'm good." Hagakure leaned back in his chair, and hummed thoughtfully.  
  
"Okay, so...I was like ten when this happened, and I remember it super vividly too. You know, it was one of those days where you can recount every single event that happened, down to what you ate for breakfast that day," Hagakure grinned lazily  
  
"I, for one, remember eating strawberry ice cream mochi that I stole from my mom's snack stash. It was like around seven in the morning, and I guess my parents didn't realize I was awake. I'm a very heavy sleeper so, I guess that's why they weren't afraid of screaming at each other. They were having a good old fashion screaming match, and eventually I heard my dad say he wanted a divorce,"  
  
Hagakure let out a light laugh, bit it sounded off. "I remember thinking that it was the end of the world. Like everything was crashing down around me. When my parents came into the kitchen and saw me sitting at the table, they looked absolutely mortified. But all I could focus on back then was how sticky my hands were cuz my mochi melted. Looking back on it, their expressions were pretty funny. I don't know why I've been thinking about that lately. I guess I've...uh...been worried about my mom. I hope that wherever she is, she's safe, ya know?" Hagakure said, a weak grin on his face.  
  
It was quiet for a moment, in a way that Makoto could only describe as...respectful? Or something vaguely similar. It was comforting, and Makoto supposed that it made Hagakure feel somewhat better, based on his grin turning a bit more genuine.  
  
"I'm guessing you were pretty close with your mom then." Makoto fiddled with the pockets on his hoodie, shooting Hagakure a soft smile that he hoped made him feel better.  
  
Hagakure bobbed his head. "Yeah, she was the coolest. She taught me _everything_ I know." Hagakure's grin turned cocky.  
  
"...By everything, do you mean scamming people?" Asahina asked teasingly.  
  
Hagakure spluttered, and just like that the mood in the room turned more light-hearted. "Aw, c'mon dude! Is that all that you take me for?" Hagakure clutched at his chest, feigning offense.  
  
Makoto found himself huffing a small laugh. He decided to join in on the teasing. "You never answered the question though. It's cuz you know it's true, isn't it?" He failed to keep a smile off his face.  
  
"...Okay, so like, _maybe_ she taught me how to scam people—"  
  
Makoto burst into laughter, as did Asahina. Kirigiri shook her head fondly at the three of them.  
  
As their giggles quieted down, Kirigiri cleared her throat. She twirled her braid between her fingers idly.  
  
"There's not much I can say about my childhood. I don't look back at it in a nostalgic light, not exactly. All I did was apprentice work to become a detective. My childhood was my work, and my work was my childhood."  
  
"That...that sounds..." Asahina trailed off, looking slightly troubled.  
  
Kirigiri looked surprised for a second. "It wasn't bad, if that's what you're thinking. It was fine, really. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed working as a detective. But...there _is_ a certain memory that I... remember fondly. Every morning, my grandfather would take a walk in a park that was near our house and watch the sun rise. One day, I decided to join him. It was spring time, right when the cherry blossom trees are blooming."  
  
Kirigiri's face lit up with a genuinely fond smile, her gaze firmly trained on her hands twisting her braid. "It was beautiful. The park's trails were covered in petals. We sat on a bench underneath one of the trees. We didn't speak or anything, we just sat together and watched the sunrise. The flowers looked...pretty, with the sunlight illuminating them. The sky was a pretty color too. I miss those days. Being able to take a stroll through a park and just watch the sunrise. It was peaceful."  
  
Makoto found himself smiling instinctively. It was nice hearing Kirigiri open up a tiny bit. He wondered if that's why she enjoyed walking around the garden with Asahina today. Maybe when he decided to check out the garden, he'd ask her to come with? It would be nice to spend some time with her again. She was his closest friend after all, and a part of him felt so, so guilty about worrying her.  
  
"...W-watching s-sunrises is nice. I u-used to do that t-too, when I w-was little," Fukawa murmured under her breath.  
  
"Really? Didn't take you for that type," Hagakure said thoughtfully.  
  
"W-what's wrong with th-that, huh?! D-Did you th-think I was t-too _gloomy_ f-for s-something as r-romantic as w-watching the s-sun rise?!" Fukawa sneered, pointing an accusatory finger at him.  
  
"Whoa, I didn't say that!"  
  
"But y-you i-implied it!"  
  
Mochida chuckled nervously. "O-kay let's not fight. Fukawa, how about you go?"  
  
"M-me?"  
  
Mochida nodded, and Fukawa grumbled under her breath. "Y-you know h-how I don't l-like the d-dark? W-well, I-I w-was locked in a c-closet for th-three d-days when I w-was l-little. Th-that's w-why I'm af-fraid of the d-dark. A-and I chose th-that m-memory because the l-lamp I have in m-my room d-doesn't work, s-so I've been h-having trouble s-sleeping."  
  
Makoto's jaw dropped, and he heard Asahina gasp. He knew Fukawa didn't exactly have a.../happy childhood, but this was on a whole other level. He couldn't even begin to imagine how she must've been feeling lately. Maybe he really _should_ spend more time with his friends.  
  
"W-why are y-you all l-looking at m-me like th-that? It's b-because y-you don't w-want anything t-to do with m-me anymore, r-right?!" Fukawa whipped her eyes back and forth between everyone.  
  
Makoto his mouth to respond, a passionate retort on his tongue, but Asahina beat him to it.  
  
"It's just...we didn't think you'd say something so...so..."  
  
"S-so w-what? He d-didn't s-say it had t-to be a h-happy m-memory!"  
  
Mochida was quick to intervene. "You're correct. I never said it had to be happy, per se, I just said it had to be a memory that impacted you. Thank you, Fukawa, for sharing that with us. It was really brave of you. If you want, I can talk to someone to get your lamp fixed, yeah?" Mochida smiled at Fukawa, who just narrowed her eyes at him.  
  
"O-okay."  
  
Once more everyone remained quiet for a second, before Asahina suddenly straightened up in her chair. She took a small breath.  
  
"... You know, growing up I never really had a lot of friends. I was always throwing myself headfirst into sports. I thought that I didn't have enough time to make friends with people. But...that didn't really mean that I was happy that. Everyone always thought I was weird because of that. Nobody really wanted to be friends with the weird sporty girl,"  
  
Asahina crossed her arms and stared at the floor. "But there was this one girl, her name was Yumeko, and she was the first person who tried being friends with me even after I kept bailing on her to train when we made plans. The one time I decided to follow up on the plans though, we went to an arcade. It the most fun I had ever had. We spent hours in the arcade, hopping from game to game and winning a bunch of prizes. She was a really good friend. I kinda miss her I guess,"  
  
"I think what I'm trying to say is...I'm really glad I met you all. I'm glad that I get to call you all my friends." Asahina's eyes looked glossier than usual, but she still smiled brightly at everyone.  
  
Kirigiri leaned over slightly and laid a hand on Asahina's shoulder. "Me too."  
  
Makoto hummed and nodded his head. Asahina giggled and rubbed her eyes. Makoto couldn't remember the last time he felt this genuinely happy for his friends. He was glad that Asahina considered them all friends. Even though he knew that she already did, it was nice to hear it directly from her. The moment was ruined, however, by Togami audibly scoffing.  
  
Makoto frowned. Did Togami really have to do that?  
  
"We are not friends."  
  
Asahina glared at Togami. "Well, good! I wouldn't _want_ to consider you a friend. You're an egotistical, narcissistic maniac! Who would even _want_ to be your friend?!"  
  
Makoto froze for a split second. Were they really going to start fighting? _Here?_ He could feel his heart beginning to beat faster and faster. His hands started shaking minutely. No. No no no, not now, why now?  
  
"If you really think that calling me petty names will hurt my feelings, you're more of an idiot than I thought."  
  
"God, what is wrong with you?!"  
  
"D-don't t-talk to M-Master like th-that! Y-you have n-no right!" Fukawa screeched, throwing herself into their argument.  
  
Makoto winced at the volume of Fukawa's voice. Asahina responded, but Makoto couldn't tell what she said, her words, while loud, sounding garbled and warped. He closed his eyes, his head beginning to hurt.  
  
"Don't you have any remorse what so ever?!" Asahina yelled.  
  
Makoto ran his hands through his hair. He felt like he was floating away, like he was close to losing himself to his mess of emotions, so he tried grounding himself by tugging on his hair sharply. It seemed he did it discreetly enough as nobody noticed it. Good.  
  
The yelling match seemed to continue, and distantly he could tell Kirigiri was trying to calm Asahina down. Desperately, Makoto looked over at Mochida to see if he would intervene, but, alarmingly, he was simply staring at Togami and Asahina, an indecipherable emotion in his eyes.  
  
Suddenly Asahina stood up, with Kirigiri following her up to placate her, and Makoto visibly flinched. That caught everyone's attention, and Makoto felt humiliation heat his face up in blotchy patches, but before anybody could say something, Mochida finally intervened.  
  
"Alright, settle down. Asahina sit back down. Kirigiri you too. Fukawa please calm down as well." Mochida's tone was cold and clinic, a sharp contrast the warm and friendly aura he always had. Mochida turned to Togami.  
  
"Was there a specific reason you decided to brush off Asahina's comment?"  
  
"We're not friends, so quite frankly, I failed to see why she would make such a stupid comment."  
  
"So instead of telling her privately, you decided to tell her publicly."  
  
"...Yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Togami looked annoyed, his arms crossed over his chest. "So that everyone else would know as well. I feel that way towards everyone here, after all."  
  
Despite the fact that he should've seen it coming, Makoto felt his heart drop. He chewed on his lip, feeling both hurt and frustrated. Why was Togami acting like this? Makoto guessed he really was an idiot if he thought Togami would want to be friends after hanging out for one afternoon.  
  
"Hmm," Mochida tapped his pen on his notebook, "Okay. We'll talk more about this later. For now, let's hear about your memory from your childhood."  
  
"..."  
  
Mochida looked up from his notebook when Togami didn't respond, looking curiously at him.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I don't want to partake in this stupidity any longer. It's pointless, and it's a waste of my time."  
  
Mochida sighed. "Togami, I believe we've already been through this, you have to participate. You don't have to go too into depth, just tell us something from when you were a kid. Any memory would do."  
  
" _No_." Togami stood up abruptly, his voice harsh, as he stared daggers at Mochida. He turned around and started towards the exit. He slammed the door shut before Mochida followed after him.  
  
It was silent again, painfully so.  
  
"Well, I didn't expect Togami to throw a temper tantrum after that."  
  
Kirigiri clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "Hina."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Eventually Mochida and Togami came back, Togami looking extremely pissed, and Mochida sporting a...smug grin? Makoto wondered what exactly the two had talked about.  
  
When Togami sat down, he rolled his eyes as Mochida waved his hand at him.  
  
"I remember when I was little, my mother taught me to play violin. One day we went to the roof and we played a ballad together."  
  
Mochida clicked his pen. "Thank you for sharing Togami! So with that, the last person left is Naegi." He smiled brightly at him as Makoto scratched his cheek sheepishly.  
  
Everyone seemed to tell such emotional memories or give emotional reasons for why they chose them. He kind of felt like he was cheating a little bit, for choosing the memory that he did. There wasn't anything remotely personal about it. Truly, it felt like a cheap cash-out. But with everything that just went down, he didn't think he could talk about an emotional memory without breaking down, and that was the last thing Makoto wanted to do, especially in front of everyone. Togami would probably insult him and start another screaming match with Asahina, and that would just make Makoto and everyone else feel awful all over again.  
  
With that resolve, he took a small breath. "S-so, this...uh, this isn't exactly the most emotional thing to ever happen to me. But I figured I'd tell it anyway because it pretty much sums up my entire childhood," he gave an embarrassed smile.  
  
"When I was 15 or so, I accidentally stopped a jewel thief using my luck? I thought that I was just having a really crappy day, but looking back on it I definitely stopped him using my luck, although not intentionally."  
  
The stunned silence that followed made Makoto want to crawl into a hole and hide forever. Before he could come up with an excuse and apologize for being...something, Makoto didn't really know what he'd be apologizing for, Hagakure whistled.  
  
"I can't tell if I'm more intimidated of Kirigiri or you now."  
  
Makoto sighed in relief before snickering. Asahina excitedly leaned over, across Kirigiri, asking him, "Did you really do that?!"  
  
Makoto messed with the sleeves of his hoodie and laughed nervously. "Ah, yeah. It was pretty funny. I was having a huge streak of bad luck. So first, I had to go get snacks for my friends from the store, but I ended up spilling all of them when I got outside. Then a random old man took one of the drinks, and when he left I realized he'd left his phone behind. So I thought, 'huh, I should probably bring it back to him', and I followed him onto this bus, but I tripped—"  
  
Kirigiri smiled fondly at him. "Of course you did."  
  
He grinned back. "Yeah. When I tripped, I tried grabbing onto this random man's bag to stop myself, but the bag ripped and a bunch of jewels came pouring out,"  
  
Hagakure snorted and Asahina began giggling.  
  
"He ended up holding me hostage because I exposed him as a thief, and then I accidentally opened the bus doors so he ended up escaping, and then he stole this postman's motorcycle after I ran into him and—,"  
  
Asahina and Hagakure were laughing hysterically, and even Kirigiri let out a chuckle or two. Asahina tried catching her breath, but ultimately failed. "W-wait wait, I'm s-s-sorry, you did w-what?"  
  
"You were held hostage?! Dude, that's like, totally badass!" Hagakure nodded his head as if he was proud of Makoto.  
  
"Badass? Really?" Kirigiri deadpanned, and Makoto laughed so hard that it turned into a cough.  
  
"Basically, I kept giving him outs to escape, and he almost did, but he crashed the motorcycle after he ran over, this is the best part, after he ran over one of the cans that I had spilled earlier. He got caught after that."  
  
Asahina, who had finally managed to catch her breath, started laughing again. "That's amazing!"  
  
"Man if your whole childhood was like that, I feel kinda bad for you."  
  
Kirigiri twirled her braid, a small grin lighting up her face. "That was quite the story though. Though, if you say that you used your luck, and you considered that bad luck, did any good luck happen afterwards?"  
  
Asahina gasped. "Yeah! Did you win the lottery or something?!"  
  
Makoto paused, tilting his head thoughtfully. While back then he definitely considered it good luck, he's not so sure about it now.  
  
"I...I suppose what happened afterwards was good luck. At least back then. When I got home after that whole ordeal, I found out I got accepted into Hope's Peak Academy."  
  
"Oh." Asahina's shoulders drooped down and Hagakure winced.  
  
Kirigiri studied Makoto for a bit before turning to Mochida. Before anybody could get another word in, she asked a question that had been plaguing Makoto ever since they escaped from the school.  
  
"Speaking of Hope's Peak, is there a way for us to get our memories back?"  
  
Makoto sucked in a sharp breath. A heavy silence hung in the air, one that made him shiver. He'd be lying to himself if he said that he hadn't been trying to ignore that question. He had desperately wanted to forget what _she_ had told them. About how they had forgotten two whole years. Two years of Makoto's life gone, just like that.  
  
However, it wasn't until now that he truly examined the question. Did he really want to remember his lost years? Remember all of the good times he might've had with his friends? His friends who were now _dead?_ Remember how the Tragedy happened? Remember the moments just before _she_ erased their memories? All those questions swirled around in his head, and he anxiously rubbed his thumb between his fingers.  
  
Mochida remaining silent made him even more anxious.  
  
"... We're working on it. I'm not going to lie and sugarcoat it for you all. Currently, there is no possible way for you to get your memories back—"  
  
Kirigiri interrupted him. "Really? Are you not one of the most influential organizations right now—"  
  
Mochida waved his hands around gently, as if trying to placate her. "However, that doesn't mean that it will remain like that. As I said, our branches are working on it. Whether or not they can come up with something... we'll just have to wait and see. But, they _are_ trying."  
  
Makoto felt a small wave of relief wash over him at the fact that they didn't have any results so far, but it was quickly replaced with his guilt slamming into him and replacing his relief.  
  
Why was he feeling relieved? Did he even deserve to feel relieved? His friends were dead for crying out loud, and he was feeling _relieved_ about not being able to remember their friendship? Before he could spiral into a self-deprecating rant, Mochida continued speaking.  
  
"How about we leave it there for now? You all need time to process this. If you still want to keep talking, feel free to pop in later. Other than that you can all go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Mochida's smile was soft as he looked at everyone, his eyes brimming with kindness, and Makoto relaxed slightly. Just slightly though. He felt like a simple breeze could knock him over into another panic attack or a nervous breakdown.  
  
As he headed out of the room, he overheard Mochida say, "Ah, actually, Fukawa, would you mind staying for a bit?"  
  
Although he was curious about what Fukawa's response would be to that, he didn't stick around to find out. He didn't want to intrude after all. So, he headed back to the lounge with everyone else.  
  
By the time they got there, Makoto's less than peaceful sleep, was finally taking a toll on him. His eyes burned, his head ached, and the walk there had seemed to sap him of any remaining energy. It felt like there was something pulling him downwards, creating a weird sensation similar to motion-sickness. He decided that rather than sticking around in the lounge with Kirigiri and the rest of his friends, he would head to his room. Before he did though, he asked Kirigiri to wake him up before they went to dinner.  
  
A three hour nap didn't sound too bad. Granted, Makoto had taken one yesterday as well, but still. At least when he took the nap at the courtyard table, he didn't have a nightmare. That had to count for something, right? He drew the curtains and crawled under the covers, closing his eyes gently and went to sleep.  
  
Or, he tried to. Despite feeling incredibly exhausted, he couldn't seem to fall asleep. He kept tossing and turning, but no matter how long he kept his eyes shut, he never drifted off. At some point he gave up and just laid in the dark, curled up under his mess of blankets, and stared off into space.  
  
He contemplated on examining his feelings during the therapy session, but quickly decided against it when he realized he was close to crying again. So instead he clutched at his pillow and stared blankly at the wall. Makoto had no idea how much time had passed, somehow zoning out completely. In fact, he had lost himself so completely to the feeling of the utter numbness in his mind that when Kirigiri finally knocked at his door, he startled so bad he yelled and fell of the bed.  
  
Thank god for the soundproofing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Makoto really said "no thoughts, head empty". Jk jk I sorta based his reaction off of how I get after having a panic attac or something similar, which is just me kinda recovering by not thinking in the slightest.  
> This therapy session wasn't supposed to be this long lmao. The first half was supposed to go in the previous chapter, but it would've been too long. Then on top of that there was supposed to be a whole lot of extra stuff going on after the session, but once again this chapter would've been too long if I had tried adding it. Ah, don't you just love writing detailed outline and then your fic decides to just go: ~nope~  
> Reviews and kudos are very much appreciated! Thanks for reading :D


	6. Chapter 5: It's Only The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: graphic description of a panic attack/flashback

Makoto considers it a miracle that he didn't look like a sleep deprived wreck. Maybe he really had fallen asleep and just hadn't noticed. Either way, he was glad. At least this way nobody would raise too many questions.

Makoto opens the door and greets Kirigiri. As he walks with her through the lounge and to the exit, he spots Asahina on the couch. She looks...sad? And maybe a bit frustrated too. Was she still hung up on that fight with Togami? He calls out to her.

"Hey Hina! Wanna join me and Kirigiri for dinner?" Asahina seems to brighten, letting out a cheery "sure!" that in all honesty seems a bit strained, until she spots Kirigiri behind him. Instantly her previous demeanor returned. Huh.

With that he heads to the cafeteria with Kirigiri and Asahina in tow. Oddly enough, the two girls were completely silent on their way down. Makoto noticed it after a couple of minutes of the three of them standing awkwardly in the elevator.

Kirigiri's arms were crossed, her expression way more neutral than normal. It reminded him of what she was like when he first met her. Makoto couldn't tell if there was something bothering her or not. His gut instinct told him no, Kirigiri was just always like that, but the fact that she wasn't even looking at Asahina told him otherwise. Asahina, on the other hand, definitely looked annoyed. Her arms too, were crossed, and she was tapping out an angry rhythm with her foot.

He looked back and forth between them, wondering what could have possibly happened between the two. Did they get into some sort of fight? Well, Asahina _had_ gotten into an argument with Togami, so maybe she'd still been running on those emotions and disagreed with Kirigiri over something?

Makoto scratches his cheek awkwardly. As he nervously ran through possible explanations for their behavior in his mind, a very light headache started up. He grits his teeth in annoyance. He was starting to get sick and tired of these stupid headaches. He shifts his weight back and forth, willing the elevator to move between floors faster. However, it was a mistake thinking that reaching the first floor would've solved the tension.

The walk to the cafeteria was just as silent. As they walk through the hallways, Makoto realizes that he was walking in between the two girls. He couldn't tell if they did that intentionally or not, but it just made the silence more unbearable. Dinner wasn't going to be fun today, was it? He could feel his mood dropping with every step he took.

The cafeteria was just as busy as yesterday, with Togami, Fukawa, and Hagakure already sat at the table. At least everyone was there. That thought was quickly dismissed as soon as Asahina notices them. She mutteres out a, "Oh you've got to be kidding, _he's_ here?"

Makoto sighs quietly. He loves his friends, really, but if they got into another screaming match, in the middle of the cafeteria no less, Makoto might actually have a meltdown in front of them. Or he might leave them there all together and _then_ go have a meltdown in his room.

He tries to search through his brain to come up with a valid explanation for why his friends fighting makes him so anxious and uncomfortable, but he finds nothing. All he knows was that it makes him feel like something bad was going to happen. His brain taking him down that thinking process almost makes Makoto decide to slip away unnoticed, but in the end he clenches his teeth and makes his way to the table with his friends in tow. Just because he was afraid they'd fight again doesn't mean that they will, after all.

Kirigiri sits down next to Togami, and Asahina sits down next to Hagakure, leaving a gap between them. Okay, they were definitely doing it on purpose. He sits down between the two girls and begins eating quietly. The silence between Kirigiri and Asahina is deafening, and it makes Makoto feel like something was building up. He didn't know what, exactly, but it makes a pit of dread form in his stomach. So much for not feeling anxious. He tries to come up with a way to ask them about what happened without making either of them upset, but his mind keeps coming up blank.

It seemed everyone at the table could tell something was wrong though, but he didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Togami is looking back and forth between the two girls, a calculating look in his eyes and the ghost of a scornful smile on his lips. When Togami's eyes land on him, Makoto flinches and looks back down at his food.

The blond's harsh words during the session rang in the back of his head. But even so, Makoto couldn't help but want to keep hanging out with Togami. Despite his cold and rude attitude, he knew there was more to the blond than meet's the eye. Makoto truly wanted to believe that Togami was a good person deep down.

"Hey so...uh...did something happen between you two? Cuz you're both being weirdly silent," Hagakure awkwardly broke the tense silence.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Nothing! Nothing happened at all!"

Makoto cringes. They weren't even trying to hide it. Or if they were, they were certainly doing a poor job of it.

"Really? It seems pretty clear to me that something happened though." Hagakure rubs the back of his neck, confused.

"Ah, Hagakure I don't think they—" Makoto gets cut off.

"Can you keep your nose out of people's business please?" Asahina glares at Hagakure.

"Asahina, he was just asking a question there's no need to be rude." Kirigiri looks to the side, avoiding Asahina's gaze, her tone carefully constructed to be emotionless.

"Don't tell me what I should act like. _It's none of your business._ " Asahina's tone was downright venomous, but there seemed to be a heavier weight to the last few words she said. Makoto was starting to get worried. Seriously though, what happened between the two?

"Whoa, okay, something definitely happened—"

"Hagakure," Makoto shoots him a desperate look, "Just drop it. Leave them alone—"

"Actually, no, let's talk about this," Kirigiri finally looks at Asahina, a cool smile on her face. In all honesty, it looked anything but friendly.

"After all, we should talk to our _friends_ when we're feeling troubled, correct?"

Makoto feels guilt coil in his gut unplesantly, and he rubs his thumb between his fingers in response. He wonders if Kirigiri was referring to not only Asahina, but him as well.

"What?" Asahina's eyes widen in surprise.

Kirigiri plows right through Asahina's shock, as if she had never even spoken in the first place. "We were talking about the possibility of getting our memories back, since Mochida explained the situation today. I..." Kirigiri hesitates, her eyes flickering between Asahina and, weirdly, Makoto.

"I don't think we should choose to remember our memories."

Makoto blinks. "You...you don't think it's a good idea to remember?" That...that was not what Makoto thought their argument had been about. How did that conversation even go for them to get mad at each other? Makoto couldn't understand. On top of that he thought that Kirigiri, of all people, would want to remember the two years that they lost. So why was she...?

"Tch, don't be an idiot. It would benefit us greatly to remember everything. How do you expect to continue living in this world without knowing how it came to be?" Togami rolls his eyes.

Hagakure scratches his chin nervously. "Yeah, that makes sense I guess. I dunno, I don't really care about remembering or not. I can't really see how it would hurt, but if I had to choose...maybe it's better if I don't?" He shrugs his shoulders.

"I-If Master s-says it's a good idea to r-remember th-then I w-want to remember t-too!" Fukawa sighs dreamily, gazing at Togami unabashedly. Togami makes a scoffing noise and looks back at Asahina and Kirigiri. He raises his eyebrows, looking amused, but it rubs Makoto the wrong way. When Togami's gaze lands on Makoto again, Togami rolls his eyes again and settles into a more neutral expression.

"You shouldn't make such a personal decision just because someone else is doing it too! You're your own person ya know?" Asahina says, nonplussed at Fukawa's response, "Besides, why would you want to agree with someone like that?" She throws Togami a weak glare. At least she seemed to have cooled down somewhat from _that_ argument.

"Still acting like a child I see. That's not surprising."

"Shut up!"

Kirigiri sighs. "Asahina, don't pick a fight with him."

Asahina turns her gaze to Kirigiri, and her glare harshens, which throws Makoto off completely. If Asahina wasn't mad about Kirigiri's opinion on the matter, then what was she mad about? What did Kirigiri do? Was it something bad? All those questions banging around in his brain were starting to make Makoto's headache worsen. God, he just wanted them to stop.

"And you! You're such a hypocrite, you started—"

"I'm a hypocrite? You didn't even listen—"

Makoto tries to break up the argument. "Ah, can we please stop fight—"

"For God's sake can you two shut up—"

But to no avail. He was talked over completely. Makoto's head was pounding now. He clutches his bowl and chopsticks harder to hide the tremble in his hands.

"Stay out of this you self-centered piece of—"

"Can you guys _please_ stop—" Makoto pleads, but he was spoken over by Fukawa.

"D-Don't talk t-to Master like th-that you d-disgusting—"

"Yeesh can all of you calm down—"

Weirdly enough, Makoto's throat starts feeling tight. His eyes start burning too, and with that the horrible realization that he was about to cry sets in.

"N-Nobody cares about w-what y-you have t-to—"

"Guys. _Please stop_ —"

"You aren't even part of this discussion—"

"O-oh, s-so I d-don't have any v-value as a human b-being—"

Makoto feels his face growing hotter and hotter. The yelling makes his ears hurt and he cringes at Fukawa's screechy voice. He stares down at his bowl, and distantly he realizes his vision is already blurry with unfallen tears.

"No, that's not true, Fukawa you can partake in this discussion—"

"Absolutely not, in fact, she's correct. She doesn't have anything to contribute—"

"Can you guys _please_ just be _quiet_ —"

"Is it impossible for you to stop being an ass—"

Something snaps inside Makoto. " _Shut up!_ " He slams his hands onto the table. The sudden silence feels like a blessing to his headache and his ears especially.

He blinks.

Why did his cheeks feel wet? He brings a hand to his cheek. Oh. He was crying. When the silence continues on, his eyes widen, panic gripping his heart. He'd yelled at his friends.

Looking around the table, Makoto took in their shocked expressions. What was even worse was that, out of the corner of his eyes, he could see some of the other people sitting near their table staring at him and at his friends. Humiliation colors his face an ugly red. Horrified, he stands up abruptly, grabs his tray of food, and leaves the table, never once looking back. He could feel their stares pricking at his skin, and Makoto shivers.

The world seems to blur around him, moving rapidly, and before he knows it he's back in the lounge. His body moves of its own accord, taking him to his room, and locking the door behind him.

Makoto slumps down to his knees in the middle of the room. Why was he freaking out? There wasn't even a reason to be freaking out! His friends were just arguing, that's it, nothing more to it, so why is he crying?! God, he'd made such a fool out of himself for freaking out on them. He'd even yelled at them! For what? Because their arguing was starting to make him _scared_? 

Ah. Wait...Makoto blinks blearily.

He...he was scared? Why was he scared? There wasn't anything to be scared about! His friends wouldn't...they wouldn't...just because they were angry at each other doesn't...that doesn't mean it would drive them to... Makoto opens his mouth, whether to cry or scream he doesn't know. But what comes out instead was a light laugh. His broken laughs quickly turn into hyperventilating, and soon enough he could barely even hear his own panicked breathing.

All he could hear were the sounds of his friends yelling and screaming at one another at the cafeteria (during the trials) the voices blending together— he could hear Kuwata begging for his life, could hear Ishimaru's anguished sobs, Celeste's furious screaming, Asahina's angry accusations, his own desperate pleads—and then the burning cold of the collar biting into his skin, dragging him back and back and back until he was rooted to a chair, the noise of the chalk on the blackboard scratching his skin, the loud _clang clang clang_ of the weight deafening his ears, and that was it, he was going to die—

A series of loud pounds (knocks) on his door jerks him out of his thoughts. Makoto stares at the door to see if he had somehow hallucinated them. When he hears them again, he slowly stands up from the floor, almost in a trance. He didn't even bother wiping his tears, and his chest ached terribly. Shakily he opens the door and sees Kirigiri standing there.

She looked worried when he first opened the door, but when she actually sees him, her eyes widen as she takes in the state that he's in. She looks shocked for a split second before guilt crashes down on her expression.

Kirigiri steps inside the room before Makoto could even speak and closes the door behind her softly. They stand there for a few seconds, Makoto staring down at the floor in shame while Kirigiri presumably stares at Makoto. She was probably going to scold him for running off the way he did. He's taken off guard though, when he feels Kirigiri place a hand on his shoulder. When he looks up at her, he suddenly finds himself in her embrace.

Kirigiri is...hugging him? Why...why is she hugging him? If his head had been clearer he might've been more shocked, but all that he can muster up is a vague sense of confusion.

"I'm sorry."

"F-for?" Makoto's voice is hoarse. It hurt to breathe.

"For causing a fight. And don't say that it wasn't my fault. It was. It was all of our faults really. I was...unaware that our argument would have such a big effect on you. I should've...I should've thought about your feelings on the matter. Actually, scratch that I should've realized the arguing was bothering you sooner," Absentmindedly, Kirigiri tightens her arms around him.

"So... I'm sorry. And...please talk to me Naegi. I know something's been bothering you ever since the first night here, so please just talk to me. Remember that I'm here for you, okay?"

"I—" Makoto stops. There was no hiding it now, was there? Well...nothing would happen if he told her, right? Kirigiri...she wouldn't judge him too harshly, would she? No, she wasn't like that. She wouldn't (would she?).

So, wordlessly he wraps his weak arms around Kirigiri, almost clinging to her, and lets out a strangled cry. Before long Makoto's body is wracking with sobs, and at some point his knees give out, and Kirigiri gently guides them both to the floor.

They sat there for a while, kneeling on the floor, Makoto crying into Kirigiri's shoulder as she softly ran her gloved fingers through his hair. He'd tried talking several times, but the words had come out choked and broken. All Kirigiri had done in response, though, was say "It's okay, take your time." That just made him cling to her harder.

Eventually his tears dry up, and he manages to regulate his breathing somewhat. Reluctantly, he brakes away from Kirigiri's hug, leaning back slightly to wipe his tears on his jacket.

"S-sorry for, uh, crying so much." Makoto hated how his voice came out all raspy and thin.

"Don't apologise. You've just kept it all bottled in for a while now, haven't you?"

Makoto thinks back to the amount of times he'd cried today and chuckles weakly.

"Um...not really. I've cried like...a lot today. Or, it felt like a lot." Makoto's face colors a light pink. Even though he _had_ cried for who knows how long in front of Kirigiri, he still felt embarrassed confessing to it.

"Oh, you have? Were they panic attacks?"

"P-panic attacks?" Makoto never even considered that possibility. He always thought he'd just been freaking out over nothing. Labeling it as a panic attack felt too...real.

"Mhmm," Kirigiri finally stands up, and offers a hand to Makoto. He takes it gratefully and lets himself be guided to his bed. They sit down side by side, and Kirigiri picks up the conversation again almost immediately.

"There's a difference between crying out of frustration or because you're stressed over something and crying because you're having a panic attack. It's just...different."

"How do you know that?"

Kirigiri looks away, seemingly contemplating something before turning back to look at him again. "I talked to Mochida a bit earlier today, after lunch. I'll tell you about it later, but right now we're talking about you, okay?" She places her hands over his and squeezes them lightly.

Makoto chews on his lip nervously. "I don't think they were panic attacks. I was probably just crying over nothing."

Kirigiri studies him for a bit. "Tell me about the first of these," Kirigiri waves a hand towards Makoto, "whatever you want to call it. I can tell you if they were panic attacks or not. Granted, you still need to speak with Mochida privately, but for now I'll help you out."

Makoto frowns lightly before sighing. "Uh, okay. Um...," Really the first time Makoto could remember actively crying was last night when he had that nightmare about...about his friends...

"I had a dream...last night. It was more of a nightmare really. D-Do you remember when, um, when Enoshima made you guys choose between hope or...or despair? And—and if at least one of you voted for despair I would be...y-ya know?" Makoto stutters out, voice just barely above a whisper, hands nervously messing with his hoodie pockets.

Kirigiri's face twists in something that looked like regret before slowly nodding. It sends a pang of guilt through Makoto for causing such a reaction. It wasn't any of his friends faults that he'd been chosen as the ultimatum, so...they didn't deserve to feel guilty over it. It was out of their control after all.

"W-Well, my nightmare was about that. But, instead of you guys deciding to vote on the side of—of hope, you guys voted for despair. And then I got dra-dragged away and shoved into a barrel and then I got..." Makoto's voice cracks and he trails off.

"You got...?" Kirigiri prods gently, encouraging him to continue.

Makoto took a deep breath and let it all rush out of him. "I got a bunch of swords pierced through my body over and over again and there was blood everywhere and it was really really _really painful and then I woke up screaming and I cried for who knows how long and then I went to the bathroom and I ended up throwing up_ —"

"Whoa, Naegi, hey, relax, relax, slow down."

Makoto's mouth snaps shut instinctively, his teeth clacking together painfully. His hands had started shaking slightly while he'd been speaking. Kirigiri noticed and placed her hands over them. She stares at Makoto, worry clear as day on her face, and he has to look away, his stomach churning.

"...And this was last night? Before you came to the lounge?"

Makoto nods, not trusting his voice in the slightest.

Kirigiri sighs and leans over to hug him once again. "You could've woken me up you know."

"I know," Makoto mumbles.

"I would've been happy to help you."

"I know."

"...Do you want to talk about—"

Makoto leans back, breaking away from Kirigiri. "The next time I cried?" Makoto sighs, bracing himself.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to talk about that specific nightmare more, but go ahead. Whichever you feel most comfortable talking about next."

"...S-so, I had another nightmare in the lounge. I told you about that one after breakfast. But, uh..." Makoto shifts uncomfortably, "When we were talking I started feeling like I wanted to cry because I felt...guilty...about making you guys worry—"

Kirigiri blinks. "Guilty?"

"Uh...yeah...?"

"Well that's ridiculous."

Makoto splutters but Kirigiri continues on.

"Why would you feel guilty about making us worry?"

"Because there's a lot of stuff going on right now so I shouldn't just add more—"

Kirigiri fixes him with an exasperated glare. "Would you want me to feel bad about making you worry?"

"Wha—of course not!" Makoto protests.

"Then there you go. Don't feel guilty over your friends worrying about you. Friends worry because they care about each other. That's that. It's not a burden or anything else for that matter, so stop." She crosses her arms.

Despite Kirigiri's bluntness, Makoto couldn't help but smile lightly. His logic did sound a bit flawed when Kirigiri put it that way. But...his light smile is quickly wiped off when he realizes she's waiting for him to continue. He turns to stare at the floor.

"Ah, right. So I was feeling, um, _ya know_ , and I when I heard you and Asahina trying to cheer me up, I felt like I wanted to cry. But not in a good way. I guess I was just feeling...frustrated because I didn't want you to worry but clearly I didn't do a good job at doing that," Makoto chuckles sardonically, "And at some point during that conversation I ended up biting the inside of my cheek, like, hard enough to bleed, and when I tasted the blood I guess it reminded me of...of my nightmare but also of...w-well. Everything. So I ran off to the library and...uh...cried...yeah" he finished lamely.

"So you _did_ have a panic attack."

Makoto whips his around to stare at Kirigiri incredulously. " _W-wait, what?_ "

"Well, something caused you to panic because it reminded you of a negative experience that you had. That seems to fit the bill pretty well."

"R-really?"

"I mean, you should double check with Mochida, but I'm fairly certain that it was a panic attack."

Makoto turns back around to fiddle with the cuffs of his hoodie. So he'd had a panic attack after all. He scratches his cheek. He could feel something building back up again, in the back of his mind and in his chest, in response to his realization, and it makes him nervous. He startles a bit when Kirigiri places a hand on his back.

"Hey, you're fine, it's no big deal. Everyone gets them from time to time. It's not weird, especially for us."

Makoto lets out a breath he didn't notice he was holding in. Right. They've all been through a lot (too much). It's okay. He rakes a hand through his hair before nodding.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Okay." Makoto rests his head in his hands for a few seconds before taking in a deep breath and continuing.

"Okay. So after _that_ happened, uh...after that was...was..." Makoto's words catch in his throat as images of his friends arguing flicker through his head.

"D-Dinner, you know, with everyone y-yelling and arguing. I was getting really really uncomfortable and even though you guys weren't being that loud, I mean we were in the middle of the cafeteria, it just—it sounded like you guys were being so _loud_ —"

"Naegi, slow down—"

"—a-and it was hurting my ears and my head and I was getting really scared but _I had no idea why and_ I just couldn't take it anymore so I _y-yelled_ at all of you b-but _I didn't mean to!_ So I ran away and I locked m-myself in here and then instead of hearing just y-you guys yelling I heard _everyone yelling l-like in the class trials I k-kept hearing them just s-screaming at each other—_ "

"Naegi! Hey, hey hey, it's okay. Naegi, look at me—"

Makoto's chest had tightened to a painful degree without him even realizing. It was like there was something pressing down on it, making it almost impossible to breathe and causing him to panic.

Makoto claws at his chest in desperation, _why was it so hard to breathe_ , willing himself to take in air. Kirigiri grabs his hands and gives them a harsh squeeze, sending small jolts of pain throughout his fingers and palms. He flinches and finally looks at her. The pain managed to shock him out of his panic, if only momentarily.

"Just breathe, come on, in—" she lets go of one of his hands and lifts up her hand slowly, "—and out." She lowers the hand down just as slowly. Makoto tracks her hand with his eyes and tries to match his breathing to it. In...and out. In...and out. He takes in shaky gasp after shaky gasp, his throat on fire by that point, every breath slicing through like sharp needles.

They both lapse into a fragile sort of silence, Makoto barely being able to make any sort of noise without wincing, and Kirigiri too busy trying to both comfort him and get him to breathe normally again.

Makoto knew he didn't need Kirigiri to tell him that that had been a panic attack too. It seemed she knew this too, as she remained silent for a bit before getting up from the bed.

"I'm going to get you a glass of water. Do you need anything else?"

Makoto shakes his head. He would have asked for some painkillers, his head was pounding by now and it felt like someone had stuffed cotton into his ears, but he knew he wouldn't have been able to swallow the pills.

As Kirigiri leaves his room, he flops backwards onto the bed. He winces as his headache spikes. Why did crying have to make his head hurt so much?

Makoto lays on his bed for a bit, his heart still thudding a bit too hard, so he decides to continue the breathing pattern Kirigiri showed him. As he feels his heart rate slowly calm down, a wave of exhaustion slams into him, making his whole body feel heavy. Makoto suddenly felt very aware of his body, noticing how his hands felt cold and clammy, how his head didn't hurt unless he moved it, how breathing too deeply hurt his chest, and he felt...gross. All the crying and panicking made his body feel hot all over, and when he touched his cheek it felt sticky.

He snaps his eyes open when he realizes he'd closed them at some point. He gets up and stumbles to the bathroom, deciding to take a quick shower, trying to ward off the exhaustion. Makoto wanted to put off going to sleep as much as possible. Was that a healthy decision? Absolutely not, but he didn't know what else to do.

He strips and hesitates just the slightest bit before turning the water to be freezing cold. Needless to say that shower lasted about five minutes. At least he was much more awake now he supposed.

Towelling off he walks to his dresser, trying to find something to warm him up since now he was shivering violently. He manages to find some fuzzy pyjama pants (they were a bit too big for him) and a long sleeved shirt (also a bit too big for him).

Right as he put on the shirt he heard a knock on the door. Opening it revealed Kirigiri, holding a glass of water. She too had changed and was now sporting a very similar look, the only difference being that her pants were black while Makoto's were blue. Kirigiri looked amused when she saw him in his ill-fitting clothes, though there was still a spark of worry in her eyes.

"Glad to see you doing better already." She hands the glass of water to him.

"Yeah. Thank you." Makoto's voice still sounded raspy and hoarse, and his throat still burned, but taking a sip of the cool water made the pain fade just a tiny bit.

They both head back to sit on the bed, Makoto choosing to lean against the headboard this time and Kirigiri sitting on the edge of the bed next to him.

They remained silent for a bit, and while normally it would've unnerved Makoto, he felt too emotionally exhausted to care. Besides, he could tell Kirigiri needed the silence, as she clearly wanted to say something, her violet eyes looking thoughtfully at the floor.

"...Can you do me a favor Naegi?"

Makoto's grip tightens on his glass in surprise, not expecting Kirigiri suddenly speaking up.

"A favor? Sure." He cradles the glass of water in his hands, fidgeting with it nervously.

"If you're ever feeling like this again come and talk to me."

And there it was. He knew Kirigiri would say that. But...could he really trust himself to word his problems in a way that wouldn't worry her and the others? He just didn't want to hurt his friends. They'd all been through enough as it was, and he hated the idea of worsening it for everyone. But on the other hand...maybe...maybe he could be selfish...just this once.

"...Okay."

"Promise me?" Kirigiri turns slightly and, after a moment of hesitation, awkwardly holds out her pinky finger, clearly feeling out of her element. Makoto's eyes widen before he brakes out into a smile.

"I promise."

Kirigiri nods. "...I suppose I should tell you about why I talked to Mochida earlier."

Makoto quickly waves his hand around. He didn't want to pressure her or anything. "Oh, you don't have to if you—"

"I want to," Kirigiri smiles at him softly. 

"So... I've been spending a lot of my time here with Hina. Yesterday she told me that she was...terrified of sleeping by herself. She's been really paranoid about it. Afraid that she'll wake up and someone will be...you know,"

Makoto winces. So that explains why he saw the two of them asleep on the couch yesterday. Though he never would've thought Asahina was feeling that way, especially with how she's been acting. Nothing seemed off about her. Maybe it was because of Kirigiri.

"That's why we were in the lounge. I asked her if anything's been bothering her and she just...broke down. It was a little after you'd gone to bed. Nobody else was in the lounge, it was just the two of us. We talked for a while, mostly about her...fears and I offered to go with her to talk to Mochida after breakfast. I thought she needed to talk to someone who was more experienced with this sort of thing. We went after we talked with you outside,"

Kirigiri shifts to sit further on the bed, now fully facing Makoto. "He said that it's completely normal that she feels like that. That it's because we're all still in that mindset of being in a dangerous situation despite being safe and that it's very likely we'll all experience that feeling or something similar to it. He then explained what panic attacks are and gave us some tips on how to control them in case Hina ever had one, that way I could help her out. I suppose I'm grateful for that since it allowed me to help you out too."

A lopsided smile settles on Makoto's face, one that makes Kirigiri smile back in return. God, he was so unbelievably lucky to have his friends around him, wasn't he? That realization gently curls around his chest, makes a warmth bubble and buzz under his fingertips despite the the coolness of the glass he holds.

"...I don't know what I would do without you Kirigiri. I'm so happy you're my friend."

Kirigiri's small smile widens, and she looks to the side, her gaze landing on the clock. She let's out a quiet hum, grimacing slightly.

"Shoot. I believe I have to go now. Asahina and I...we still need to talk," Kirigiri stops, a contemplative look crossing her face as she looks back at Makoto. "If you want, you can wait in the lounge for us and we can talk until one of us falls asleep. I think you and Asahina both need that after today. And...maybe even me if I'm being honest."

Makoto blinks in muted surprise. Hanging out with Kirigiri and Asahina sounded nice, he supposed. It was definitely much better than going to bed and having another nightmare.

He turns to look at the clock. It was 10:30pm. Huh. He felt like it had been hours and hours since dinner. Funny how having a...panic attack(?) warped his sense of time. He had completely lost track of it the moment everyone had started arguing.

Turning his attention back to Kirigiri, he felt a bit curious as to what had transpired between her and Asahina. However, he knew that it wasn't good to push for that information. Kirigiri hated being forced to talk anyway.

"Okay, I'll wait for you guys in the lounge," he says softly.

They both stand up and make their way out of Makoto's room, Kirigiri leading the way with an aloof confidence. In the hallway though, Kirigiri's confidence seems to break slightly, as she hesitates briefly outside Asahina's room. Makoto grimaces, his heart squeezing in sympathy for his friend. He puts a hand on her shoulder, giving her a quiet, "Good luck," with a reassuring smile.

She nods in return, her lips twitching upwards for the briefest of seconds before a worried frown replaces it.

Makoto leaves her be after that. He hopes that she and Asahina can make up. He hated seeing his friends arguing, hated the tension that seeped through their words, and he hated that all of that freezes him in place and makes him panic.

He sighs. Maybe he could continue reading his book from earlier. Yeah. To keep his mind off of everything for a bit. Makoto returns back to his room, looking around for the book before finding it under his bed. _How did that even get there in the first place?_

He shakes his head, huffing a quiet laugh at himself. Makoto heads back into the hallway and stops as he reaches the lounge.

There, sitting on one of the couches, reading a book with a cup of coffee on the coffee table, was Togami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, wow it's been a while huh  
> I was literally so close to finishing this chapter back in October but all of a sudden I was hit with an avalanche of homework both from my highschool and college classes. Plus, applying to colleges is way more stressful than I thought it would be lmao.  
> Updates will probably continue to be this slow bc my UIL rehearsals will start in a couple days, so who knows how much time I will have to update :(  
> Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! It's a bit longer than my usual ones (longer by about 700 words lmao) and I also changed the tenses of the words. I'll have to go back and edit the other chapters to make it consistent


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